Sneezing
Now, sneezing really shouldn't hurt. In fact it's quite a pleasurable thing in most circumstances. However one sneeze reduced me to a crying ball of girliness, sobbing curled up on the floor in front of several nurses despite my hunky beardy manliness.
It was the day after I'd had two cervical discs removed and replaced with bone harvested from my right hip, together with a plate bolted to three vertebrae to hold the lot together while the bone fused in.
To perform this operation the surgeon goes in from the front, hauls the trachea and oesophagus out of the way and does his bit with drills and chisels etc. This leaves you with a severe sore throat, coupled with lots of bruising and clips etc holding the bloody great hole in your neck together.

I'd been awake for about three hours and was actually feeling quite chipper (probably due to the vast amounts of morphine in my bloodstream and the lingering effects of general anaesthetic) and was chatting to the nurses when I hopped out of bed and threw the curtains wide open. The sunlight caused the sneeze and I immediately hit the floor, overwhelmed by the pain in my neck, throat and both arms (nerve swelling). Once I'd been helped back to bed, sobbing like a four-year-old, they went out. I felt better that they'd left as I was somewhat embarrassed by my girliness, but they came back, each of them wearing a very fetching plastic apron and rubber gloves. I asked them why?
Apparently I needed a bedbath and a change of clothes because I'd shit myself.

So much for dignity.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:58, 1 reply)

hahaha!
fuck, i know what you mean! my mum visited me the day i had a hernia operation. her perfume made me sneeze. the pain was incredible :(
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 23:13, closed)