Wear flip-flops
My 20th birthday - we all dragged ourselves out of bed bright and early (11ish - well, we were students), and set off to Bournemouth for the day. Spirits were high, an early beer was consumed - and off we went to the beach. Towels were raised, trunks were donned, and into the sea we splashed. I'd gone about ten feet when I met this fella:



It's a Weever Fish, and the little fucker got his spines in right at the base of my toes. I didn't think so at first - my immediate thought was 'oh, I've stepped on an upturned broken bottle, that smarts a little' - but then it got worse. Much worse. As in, curled up in a ball, sweating, shivering, my foot a crumpled, cramped little club of agony, unable to do much other than curse the cruel whims of a vindictive Mother Nature. All things considered, it wasn't my favourite birthday.

When people moan about pollution, ignore them. If there's any hope of it killing even a single weever fish, everything else is irrelevent collateral damage. And also, wear flipflops when paddling. Not only are they devastatingly stylish, but they'll enable you to stomp the little bastards with impunity.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 11:28, 9 replies)

I like your style.
Also, avoiding pollution is like being a bloody vegetarian - only done so one can boast about it in a bid to feel superior.

Bloody hippies.

And Weaver fish.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 12:16, closed)

I also thought it was 'weaver fish' until I was looking for an image for it this morning. Apparently - and, arguably, uninterestingly - it's from the latin 'vipera', via Old French 'wivre' ('serpent', or 'dragon'). So much for 'know thy enemy'...

Of course, they should properly be referred to as 'that little splodge of guts I just flip-flopped out of existence'.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 12:24, closed)

What a vicious little cock-ring of a fish.
Why are so many animals inclined to bite and sting and stab and claw and poison? As Ali G once said to a zoologist, "What is the point of animals? I mean, shouldn't we give them an ultimatum? Either do something useful ...or piss off."
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 12:47, closed)

indeed
you should adopt the role of the Inquisitor - if they can't justify their existence, run the fuckers over ;)
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 15:55, closed)

my
dad met one off the coast of the Isle of Wight once...something along the lines of submerging the foot in extremely hot water, isnt it?
(tb2571989 dies at precisely, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 12:52, closed)

So says Wikipedia. One of my mates, who was doing chemistry, opined that the best idea would be for him to piss on it. Through gritted teeth, I declined.

(oddly enough, though, the lifeguard chap turned up with vinegar, so perhaps Mr Golden Showers was onto something)
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 15:49, closed)

You piss vinegar?

( splorp ®, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 16:40, closed)

fishing
As a kid i was fishing with a crabline off a pier when i caught one of these things. Not knowing what it was i was hauling it up ready to stick it in my eagerly waiting bucket along with various unlucky crustaceans. We were interrupted by a bloke who, seeing what i had dangling on the end of the line, came running up to inform us that we shouldn't touch it as his dog had bitten one of these fish a week before and died!
Ended up having to cut the line
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:30, closed)

Just eat them. They are tasty

(fat_skua, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 21:50, closed)