Broken wrist
Low speed spill on motorcycle after finding mud on road from building site. I touched the brakes, bike went from under me and I carried on, to land, hands first, on the road. Left wrist swollen to twice the size, fracture suspected. Susprisingly, it didn't really hurt that much, so that's not the ouch.

Trip to A&E confirmed the wrist was broken. To fix the break and reduce the chances of me losing movement in my wrist, surgeons fitted an external fixator, something like this...

upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9f/External_Fixator.JPG

That didn't hurt too much either, so that's not the ouch.

Nor was the ouch when I fell asleep in front of the fire, with the fixator very close to the flame, waking to find it had become heated quite uncomfortably, transferring quite a lot of heat into my forearm and making it feel like it was being slowly cooked from the inside.

The ouch came several weeks later when they had to remove the pins. The first pin was removed, using a tool somewhat similar to the chuck on a drill, fitted with a T-bar, tightened to the squared off top of the pin. No painkiller offered, it was just screwed out. Apart from some mildly uncomfortable pressure in my hand, it wasn't that bad, so they carried on to the second pin. As soon as the nurse started to turn the pin it felt like my body was going to explode. The pin site must have been over a nerve-ending, because I simultaneously felt every possible sensation at full volume. It's quite confusing getting hot/cold/pain/pleasure, all in one very distressing instant. I was so overwhelmed that other than tensing every muscle in my body and groaning loudly, I didn't have the presence of mind to tell them to stop until large amounts of painkilling drugs were applied. Instead, the nurse called over three colleagues to hold me down, while she repeated the process, except this time accompanied by far more groaning and yelling from me.

The remaining two pins were as uneventful as the first, and then no longer needed to hold me down as I was concentrating very hard on keeping my head in one of those little cardboard bowls they give you to vomit in. As the three extra nurses wandered away, one of them quipped "bit of luck it wasn't childbirth, he'd have been rubbish"
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 13:54, 2 replies)

the pic
makes you look like a really low-budget Borg. You should have put a few green LEDs on there.
( The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 2:39, closed)

That's not me
I should like to point out that the chubby, freckled limb in the pic is not mine, just one I found with google to show what the hardware looks like. My arms are obviously manly and tanned

I like the idea of a string of those little LEDs though, that would have been cool, blue for preference.
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 10:25, closed)