A bad memory resurfaces, thanks to Shambo's persistent up-bum comments...
This will no doubt make you squirm with delight...

For about 4 years I had a step-brother, thanks to my Dad's habit of marrying and divorcing a series of women.

He was fucking disturbed.

Thankfully, he lived with my Dad and step-mum. I lived with my real Mum, so I didn’t meet him for some time.

One Summer, when I was about 10, I was sent to Dad’s house, some 8 hours bus ride away, as per the divorce rules.

Upon arrival, I was gleefully informed by the new step brother that he liked to insert lots of small coins and marbles up his arse, hold on for long as possible, then take great delight in hearing the "plink plink plink" as they hit the porcelain when he went for a dump.


wtf methinks...slowly edging away.

I rapidly learned to stick to Dad's side like glue in case this perverted gollum creature tried to touch me with his chewed fingernailed shitty fingers. Dad would be chain smoking, writing his latest book, I would sit by his side all day, and most of the night, passively smoking a good 3 packs a day of ciggies, terrified to leave the protective zone.

Dad didn’t believe my story about the step brother, and went back to his writing. In hindsight, more than likely he didn’t want to have to deal with it. He was pretty much a responsibility-free zone.

I also learned that the step brother once inserted a knitting needle down the eye of his cock "to see how far it would go", as he explained to the A&E nurse, believing that one could keep pushing until the needle came out the bumhole. Pain threshold? Non existant. Why? Who fucking cares, just don’t fucking do it in the first place!

Also, not exactly up-bum behaviour, but just as titillating for some, he would tape the electrodes from the Scalextric transformer to his genitals and cranks it up to the max, thus eventually invoking an involuntary orgasm.

He was about 12 at the time of this behaviour. I was about 10 and understandably fucking disturbed and traumatised about having to stay in the same house as him.

After just one visit, I managed to avoid any further visitations under threat of suicide.

Dad eventually re-married, and I have no idea what happened to the step brother. Hopefully he received some seriously intensive counselling. Or at the very least, a contract with the Jim Rose Circus.

Years later I told a few mates about it, we had a running joke about carrying around small change in one’s arse in case you needed emergency bus fare.




And no, I don't think he had a step-hammer. Or a step-ladder. Just a severely damaged sense of self.
( Ken Oath, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 13:36, 12 replies)

mixed feelings about posting this one. I sincerely hope he turned out reasonably functional, but I wasn't going to hang around and find out.
( Ken Oath, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 13:39, closed)

Don't worry,
he's always slagging you off for being "too uptight".
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 13:53, closed)

So ....
You didn't hang around to see the change in him then?
(Barnetboy, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 13:56, closed)

I heard years later that he was married, had a job and kids.
and was now into motorbikes. A bit hard to get them up your bum.
( Ken Oath, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 14:15, closed)

Well if you could fit a bike in there what's to stop the wife and kids getting them out if you lose the keys.
*sorry*
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 16 Dec 2012, 0:36, closed)

He's probably a serial killer now. Just saying, like.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 14:09, closed)

He's probably a QOTW regular now

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 3:01, closed)

As a matter of fact he is.
And it wasn't a knitting needle.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Sun 16 Dec 2012, 4:31, closed)

I wish people would drop this tedious up-the-bum meme.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 14:12, closed)

That made me laugh.

( Ken Oath, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 14:14, closed)

How dare you!
I'm not here to make people laugh.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 15 Dec 2012, 14:31, closed)

Pity things didn't work out.
You guys could've made a killing in the playground playing "ringer" (it's a marbles game!).
Just imagine the trick shots. And you'd never lose cause no-one would want to collect their winnings...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 15 Dec 2012, 22:04, closed)