Poo
A few weeks ago, on holiday on ze continent, the boyfriend made me go on a hike in a valley which I will begrudgingly describe as rather lovely. Well, it turned out that everyone within a forty mile radius had decided to descend on this valley on the same day and the place was heaving. There were only a few trails through the woods, and all trails converged on a central point which had nothing but a map and a toilet block.

'Block' might be the wrong word, as in fact there was one toilet per gender, and consequently there were long queues for each.

I duly joined the queue for the ladies and patiently waited my turn. After about 15 minutes I got to the front of the queue; there was just one large portugese lady standing between me and relief.

Said large portugese lady entered the toilet. For some time, no noise wss heard. Then it came.... straining. Clearly audible straining, heard by me and the ten or so women queueing behing me. Grunting was heard. It was uncomfortable. I imagine it was uncomfortable for the portugese lady too, but for different reasons.

Of course, there are inevitable results of all that straining - what can only be described as explosive ejection of what I imagine (in my darkest moments) to be an impressive amount of excreta.

The queue was silent.

I was first in line to sit on the toilet into which this explosion had just happened.

I left the queue and clenched for the rest of the day.
(G-Lo, Sun 28 Aug 2011, 13:53, 9 replies)

On a crummy overnight train from Budapest
my mate took one one look at the single metal toilet bowl - sharp protruding screws in place of the long-gone seat, filth painted over in black, the paint worn and chipped off again after many years' use, standing in pool of dank water - she went pale, turned round, marched back to our carriage and waited until we checked into our hostel in Cracow next morning.

I just used the bog. Wasn't going to EAT off it, FFS.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 28 Aug 2011, 14:08, closed)

I'm with you Juan
I'm going to piss in it. It's much better if it's clean, but in some places that just doesn't happen.

These woman who 'hover' are the ones who piss on the seats in the first place.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sun 28 Aug 2011, 17:01, closed)

I'm with G-Lo on this one
I'm not so bothered about toilets being clean, like you, I'm just going to piss in it. But can you imagine the smell directly after something like that? That would have been enough to have me leaving the queue and hunting for the nearest bush.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Sun 28 Aug 2011, 23:17, closed)

MrsScars has the T shirt
If you walk from Kandersteg in the Bernese Alps to the hotel at Schwarenbach, there is precisely one point of privacy in 4 miles, a large erratic boulder sitting in the middle of the valley. Mrs Scars needed a widdle, until she went behind it.

The "foot-deep carpet of shit" might have been an exaggeration, but I wasn't going to see for myself.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Sun 28 Aug 2011, 22:19, closed)

Ha ha
I know that boulder. I think it was probably cow shit.
(Smale is stuffed, Wed 31 Aug 2011, 2:33, closed)

That's nothing.
I've used the toilet on the Virgin Euston to Glasgow train.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 8:59, closed)

My sister will agree how shitty they are,
but at least yours didn't open whilst your sister is mid pee!! Nothing is quite as funny to behold! XD
(Cydonija well it sure as shit ain't sad, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 12:04, closed)

Funny?
I find seeing your sister pee sexy.

um...I have said too much...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 12:15, closed)

So!
That's how they smuggled Maddie out, you were so close.
(badgermonkey007, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 19:36, closed)