Surely most people
have sent a text message to everyone in their phonebook saying, 'I know your secret'.

You can get quite a few interesting responses. Most of the time it's 'ha ha, shut up', but I've also had back the following:

- Shit, really? Was it Mark that told you? Please keep it to yourself (from a work colleague)

- It's a load of bollocks mate. Why would I do that? (from a good friend)

- This is getting boring. I DID NOT SLEEP WITH HIM! (from a female friend)

and my personal favourite:

- For fuck sake. Listen to me, I did not, and I repeat NOT, have a wank on the train. (another mate).
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:40, 8 replies)

A long time before text messages Mark Twain beat us to it...
The story goes, (a presumably bored Mark Twain) sent an enigmatic joke telegram message "FLEE AT ONCE, ALL IS DISCOVERED" to a number of his friends.


By the end of the day, all had packed and hurriedly and left town.
( The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:50, closed)

Yeah but
I didn't have a wank on the train. Alright?
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Tue 30 Aug 2011, 11:01, closed)

Hah
It was me. I Just spiked my hair up so I looked like you.
(username failed moderation, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 11:44, closed)

I had a wank on a plane
but that's a different matter.
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:19, closed)

Try sending "In bed, thinking of you"
from a mates phone to his dad......
(Cydonija well it sure as shit ain't sad, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 11:20, closed)

The joke is on you
I actually do know your secret. Especially yours *points accusingly at all of b3ta*.
(badgermonkey007, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 19:30, closed)

this is absolute genius

(thegreatalbino, Wed 31 Aug 2011, 11:52, closed)

It was a misunderstanding
I was donating sperm.

I didn't say I had wanked on a train, I said I'd come in a tube.

Tsk.
(username failed moderation, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 11:17, closed)