How my mate destroyed all credibility in three seconds flat
This is related, honest...

*wavy lines back 17 years or so*

I used to move around a lot as a kid. This takes place when I was living in the New Forest (specifically, Cadnam). As a result of constant moving, I never really got to have that many friends because I was always a shy fucker. However, at Cadnam, I managed to somehow start talking to the cool kid of the class, Jack. And we became firm friends for the period of time that I was there.

Jack was like some sort of prepubescent Hugh Hefner, as he always hung around with girls, and managed to constantly get them to let him look up their skirt. I honestly have no idea how he managed such things, and at that time, quite frankly didn't really care, as girls were icky and my Megadrive was more important to me than girls were. We were both 5 at the time, and I was the geekier one out of the pair of us whilst he was Mr Suave and Charming (for a 5 year old anyway).

And then, one fateful day, it happened.

We had spent lunch outside in the woods, me attempting to play football with a few of our male compatriots (as previously noted, I play football about as well as Stephen Hawking does.), Jack slightly further in the woods lying on the ground, looking up skirts as girls straddled his face, when we heard the bell to come in and register. So we go inside, register, and then, as we have PE now, we go and get our PE kits.

Now, maybe it was a quirk of my school or something, but we had to get changed in the classroom. No separate changing rooms. You had to get changed behind your chair at the table you were seated at that day. As a five year old, I didn't particularly care. My Optimus Prime pants were awesome and I wasn't afraid of showing them off.

As me and Jack were friends, we sat next to each other. So I start to get changed, taking the time to quite brazenly show off my Optimus Prime y-fronts, and turn to talk to Jack, when Jack has an accident. Maybe he's just got really tight trousers on, maybe it was something else. All I know is, one second he's straining to pull his trousers down, and the next second, he's succeeded.

Along with pulling down his grimy pants at the same time.

Which have a skidmark in them. A fairly large one at that.

"AAAAARRRRRGH" screeches the boy sat opposite Jack as he gets a sudden showing of Jack's tiny, hairless twig'n'berries.

"UUUUUUURGGGGH" shrieks I at the same time at seeing his soiled undercrackers as well as the aforementioned goods.

This causes the girl behind us to turn and get a faceful of Jack's hairless peachy bum. Which causes her to shriek as well.

This sudden shrieking causes other people to turn their heads and start shrieking and/or laughing at Jack who is holding his pants by his knees.

The teacher sprints over and Jack hurriedly yanks his pants up, but the damage has been done. In the three seconds flat, he has managed to ruin his credibility and destroyed his prepubescent Hugh Hefner reputation in the class.

Talk immediately spread during the PE lesson, and then throughout the school by the end of the day, of the boy who tried to strip off for a PE lesson.

Apologies for length, it was fairly big.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sat 21 Nov 2009, 14:52, 3 replies)

You play football as well as Stephen Hawking, eh?
remember he is excellent at dribbling....
( calibrax loves teh hamsters (not in that way), Sat 21 Nov 2009, 19:02, closed)

Hand ball!
Oh, it was in your trousers for medical reasons. Fine.
(Klangtarnflatchslapper looks just like a Telefunken U-47, Sun 22 Nov 2009, 0:47, closed)

Actually
he probably plays it better than me.

That wheelchair he's got has probably got a fair turn of speed to it...
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sun 22 Nov 2009, 1:40, closed)