I failed bowling.
My school didn’t have much going for it, so gym class was mandatory for 3 out of the 4 years of high school. I was more interested in mathematics that gymnastics, and did my best to convince the school administration that I was better served in physics than physical exercise. Alas, I couldn’t wriggle my way out of this one.

I was a gangly teenager who had grown nearly a foot over the course of six months and hardly possessed the ability to walk, let alone dribble a bloody basketball. I was so knock-kneed, my legs bent the wrong way like some sort of robot spider. The most attractive part of my daily fashion ensemble was a back brace for my wretched scoliosis. Alas, my gym grade wasn’t based on go-getter attitude or hard-workyness – no, I was graded on skill.

I’d bumbled through basketball and tennis, line-dancing (oh yes) and flag football, but it was time for the worst of them all: bowling. High scores were worth A+s, anything less than this was considered sub-average or even a failure. And since this grade counted towards my overall high school grade point average, I was bowling for my FUTURE. The rest of my life was to be determined in this bowling alley.

What with the inability to walk, move or even pick up the bowling ball, my scores averaged around 20. Failure! I failed bowling. I. FAILED. BOWLING. Because I failed bowling, my grade in gym class slipped to a B+. This B+ tarnished my perfect record, and also meant that I was overall second in my class, not first. I therefore lost out on several prospective college scholarships. I had to attend the university which was my cheapest option, not the Ivy League school that was my first. Because this university didn’t do learning as much as it did partying, I discovered beer…

…hurrah!

Thank you gym class!
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:01, 6 replies)

Flag waving?
Bloody hell, only in America.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:20, closed)

We started...
...every day with the Pledge of Allegiance and finished every day with the National Anthem.

I should like guns and burgers more than I do.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:37, closed)

Aye.
My school did the pledge of allegiance (does every school do it?) every morning. I got to sit it out because I was a furriner. Except when we were learning about the war of independence, I was pointed out as being English, a descendent of the filthy oppressors. I started doing the pledge just to fit in.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:50, closed)

You just reminded me of something
In the dim & distant past of my tenure in middle school I was quite a bright student. Not vying-with-Stephen-Hawking bright, but good enough to get A grades for all the academic subjects on my report card as a 10 year old. And, while it made no difference to the level or location of my higher education, it galls me to this day that Miss Tunney decided to award me a lowly "C" for PE on the basis that I 'didn't try hard enough'.
No miss, I'm just naturally fucking crap at sports.
Bitch.
Not that I'm bitter or anything, it was only 33 years ago.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Mon 23 Nov 2009, 15:24, closed)

For the sake of a decent revenge story...
...track the bitch down.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 17:03, closed)

Seriously?
20?

I didn't think that was possible, you could roll the lightest ball down the middle at 5mph and get 6 or 7 down each frame!
( JebediahSpringfield, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 11:02, closed)