Where do I start?...
Crap TV - Not just the pathetic reality-nonsense and "Fame Academy"-style pigswill that lurks in the evening and late night - the entire first half of the day seems devoted to persuading people to turn the TV off and do something worthwhile. Pity so many people don't realise this simple fact. If all TV stations had half a conscience, they'd just start broadcasting at around 6pm instead.
Asinine Tabloids - Imagine the collective pain of a whole Norwegian pine forest felled for the sole purpose to fuel modern media-masturbated anxiety about little girls being kidnapped, drug-addicted git rockstars being arrested (again) and how immigrants are apparently eroding this country's special little society. etc, etc.
Dogs. - They stink, make terrible noises, slobber disgustingy, don't clean up after themselves. And they give me asthma attacks. Sure, there are some truly loving, useful and intellegent dogs, but the vast majority of them are simply a moronic waste of space and food.
MP3 Phones - Simply the worst invention ever. Used all-too-often by idiots who can't be arsed to get a pair of headphones, wouldn't know quality audio was if it jumped up and stuffed itself in their ears, and seem to think that everyone else needs a quality musical education on a par with theirs (and that we don't entertain thoughts of smashing their stupid noisemaking device if they don't stop piping their inane, tinny shite from it.) Wankers.
Pathetic Abbreviations - This nonsense just makes me cringe. LOL? Yeah, your tongue's lolling alright, you lingustic fecktard. I'm surprised that you were actually bothered to use the SHIFT key.
Robot Doctors - I am a human being. I deserve to be treated as such. I know they work long hours and have to deal with dickheads that don't listen to their advice, but I listen. And I expect them to listen back.
Terror Laws - Cleverly formulated to terrorise us, the fickle, stupid and bovine public. For instance, I'm just waiting for the day that a bored policeman (or god forbid it, a PCSO) stops me in the street for taking a photo "in a suspicious manner".
Religious Nutters - Maintaining that the World wasn't created in six days by "God", using a condom, and insisting that Joe Religion's way isn't the only way doesn't make me spiritually and/or morally lacking. Heaven and Hell are not places, they are states of mind. No, the World isn't ending, Mr Nutter, go home... Also, putting some money in a collection plate is just fine by me, but there's no need to go mad. (yes, Mr Hubbard.) AND STOP BLOWING THINGS UP, IDIOTS!
Crematoria - Continuing on a religious strand, these depressing, soul-less, watered-down places couldn't look less spiritual if they tried. As if the departed's friends and family aren't upset enough, they sometimes have to visit on of these incinerators with breezeblocks tacked onto the side and try to make up reasons why they shouldn't jump on the conveyor with the coffin. I'd rather go to a funeral service in a branch of McDonalds. At least it would be over a bit quicker there.
I mean, if people are so bent on being burnt up after they die, at least do it with some style (Big funeral pyre, anyone? Burning boat?) or use the heat generated for something useful.
Unnecessarily Big Cars - Yeah, all you lot who drive your kid to school every day in an SUV, scrape the tramps and pigeons off the bullbars every Sunday, and complain about the price of the fuel. ("Oh, it does 20mpg. Good for it's size, really!") Pricks. I hate cars.

Ooh, I'm actually quite an angry man. I wish I wasn't. I'm sure there are so many more things that make me furious, but I'm actually glad I don't remember what they are right now.
Do excuse the length, takes a while to extract it all from my body.
(Connor Lingus is running this monkey farm now, Sun 4 May 2008, 15:40, Reply)