Oh god, do you have all day?
There are loads of things that irritate me, finally a forum where I can vent without people telling me to shutup (well people can, but B3TA asked, so I will vent.) I will stick with one issue for now.

1) Bad drivers - who fall into several categories:

a) Old people. Now, don't get me wrong, old people are great - most of them fought in the war etc etc. And there are some who are insane, like my grandfather who used to drive at 80 miles an hour even when he developed severe macular degeneration. On village roads. Unfortunately, most seem to turn into blithering, doddering fools when faced with their beloved Nissan Micra. Why do they drive so slowly? Surely if you don't feel confident/cannot see well enough to go at the speed limit, you really shouldn't be driving anymore? I had to take a mild sedative when holidaying in Wales recently, where in most parts there are just long, one lane A roads. Getting stuck behind a coffin dodger going at fucking 30 in a 60 is just so rage-inducing, made worse by the fact that, when in a luggage and people loaded 1.6 estate, it is very hard to get up the speed to overtake without smashing head on into oncoming traffic, Utter, utter bellends. Similarly, on suburban roads with speed humps, Mr and Mrs Old will choose a cruising speed of approximately 10 miles an hour, leaving me in spasms of rage at again being unable to properly overtake without taking the bottom off my car.

b) Women. I am a woman myself, and I am utterly, utterly ashamed by my kind. Especially school run mothers. Now, I have no problem with 4X4s, I'm not one of the environment brigade and I like the look of them. Sadly, most people who drive them seem utterly incompetent. School Run Mother will block the roads, scrape nearby parked cars and do a 38 point turn instead of a 3 point because they cannot judge the arse size of their car. They have "Baby on Board" stickers in their back windows, which just makes me more inclined to ram into the back of them for being such a cunt. Why does having a baby on board entitle you to drive like such a twat? Especially when precious Junior is protected by a massive steel cage? And why, if you can't fucking drive properly, do you take the biggest car in your arsenal the few metres to school? Why not take the second, smaller car you so obviously have?

c) People who don't know the width/length of their car. These people have grown in my irritation in the past few months. I have lost count of the amount of times that a lane of traffic, upon splitting into left and right lanes, has come to a complete standstill because a total and utter twat wanting to go right feels that they cannot squeeze their car through the FUCKING HUGE GAP between the cars wanting to go left and oncoming traffic. As a result the line of cars cannot move until the left lane starts to clear. Absolute fucking idiots. Also, when a road has narrowed slightly because there are parked cars on either/one side, the amount of fucktards that will wait for one side of traffic to go first before going themselves, even though there is room for BOTH WAYS TO MOVE AT THE SAME TIME. So when I decide "Fuck this, I'm going as well" the oncoming driver looks at me with utter horror before slamming on his/her brakes and tooting vigourously on the horn, before making a big show of spinning the wheel violently left as if this will save the car from being sideswiped by this crazy maniac in the black Vauxhall. Once I have safely passed their car with about 2 feet of space, I just want to pull over, knock on their window and put their face through the windscreen, drag them all over their car before screaming manically "YOU SEE THE TRAIL OF BLOOD? THAT'S WHERE YOUR CAR STARTS AND ENDS, AND THERE ARE THE SIDES!" Before cackling insanely and eating my own hands.

d) Chavs. They are cunts anyway for so many reasons, but their driving is just unbelievable. Going up peoples arses, angrily revving, the hideously loud RnB music. Upon pulling up at traffic lights I enjoy countering Mr Chav's latest Fiddy album with some even louder music of my own, something retro like Inspector Gadget or metal like Dragonforce. Their utter dismay at realising that my sound system is louder than theirs puts them into a dark chavvy rage, and they begin revving loudly, challenging me to a race off when the lights go green. They forget of course that they are driving a 1 litre Nova, which is packed with their squawking girlfriend and various illegitimate chavlings, and I am sitting pretty in a small but perfectly formed Inspector Gadget mobile with a 1.4 sports engine. Not that impressive, but impressive enough. Even funnier when they stall. And when I tip off the DVLA that their tax has expired.


Well, my fingers are hurting from all the typing now, but my rage has subsided. I thank you all for listening.
(posage As I turned the corner I felt muscular and compact, Mon 5 May 2008, 8:54, 3 replies)

Ha!
I love that you're up this early on a bank holiday and already filled with enough rage to type this lot out. Fab. Agree with everything you say.
Because I live in London, I don't drive at the moment, but when I go home to Cornwall, I usually borrow Dad's car to get around in. It's hugely powerful, so I get to do a lot of pulling away at traffic lights, leaving the chavs to pretend that they never had any intention of racing me. It gives me a lovely feeling.
Happy driving!
( thealternativefact, Mon 5 May 2008, 9:08, closed)

So-called performance car != performance traffic laws
I can't ever recall seeing a Ferrari/911/Lambo pootling along at 70. Apparently owning such a car revises the traffic laws.
My diesel hatchback is perfectly capable of rumbling along at 120mph but I choose not to drive it like a cnut.
(lord nose, Mon 5 May 2008, 9:14, closed)

Thank you clendrix
I am always filled with rage, I think it's what gets me up so early on bank holidays when I should be zzzing happily!
(posage As I turned the corner I felt muscular and compact, Mon 5 May 2008, 9:21, closed)