I thought that went well, don't you? No, no I don't.
The boss once snookered me into attending a traditional Hawaiian gathering and celebration (think Hawaiian luau but authentic), “It’s on Saturday, so bring your family,” he said. Throughout the rest of the afternoon, he popped in to let me know I was representing the company. It wasn’t just a gathering, it was a graduation of the academy. An event attended by all the community leaders involved in our projects. I’d also need to say a few words. Sure thing, I said, trying to appear capable and professional.

In fact, it started to have career suicide written all over it, and also a more personal form of doom as Mr. Kila reminded me that my in-laws were prominent honored guests.

Fucksocks, I thought, sweating bullets as I composed short speech after short speech, trying to hit just the right notes, if not to show the boss that I could do the job, then to show the in-laws.

We arrived at the event on a beautiful sunny Hawaiian morning, country setting near the sea, balmy breezes, palm trees swaying, music playing. Not the largest crowd, but the most formidable. I was told I would be called up when it was my time to speak. I sat down with my written speech about to put it away, as these events have numerous speakers.

So of course, I was introduced first—FUCKSOCKS! My brain was reeling, I’m the opening speaker? I have a 4 minute speech and I have to welcome everyone! I couldn’t even frame thoughts of what to say to my boss if I lived through this!

I can do this, I thought, looking at the steely eyes of my in-laws. They seemed to be thinking what I was thinking, “Don’t embarrass me!”

I stood on stage. I took a deep breath, and began. Welcome, everyone, I said, and continued, saying it was a beautiful morning to welcome everyone to this special gathering. Then I paused. My eyes met the eyes of my in-laws. My mind went blank. No, I thought, I have to pull out my notes, read my speech, argh! Total n00b move! I opened my paper, my mind still blank, getting obvious that I did not know what to say next. I looked for my next line, it read:

My name is Kila…
( kila is reading clocks upside-down as usual, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 8:28, Reply)