Little Paul
A university housemate, so named because he was 5' tall and quite portly. He looked just like Penfold from Dangermouse. He was a walking bio-hazard.

First of all, he had these big blubbery lips like a couple of calf livers. For some reason, they were always chapped and peeling, so that when he woke up in the morning, his lips were covered in a kind of moist, oaty dandruff that seemed to build up into a shelf of dead skin. It never vanished, even after he ate.

His teeth started out yellow and slowly became green over the degree. His incisors especially seemd to have a textured appearence, like lichen was accruing on them, and his breath smelled a lot like manure. He used the same three-fibre sprig of a toothbrush for the whole three years.

Then there was his sweat problem. He sweated perpetually and his face was a constant glistening sheen. His handshake was clammy and his t-shirt was always stuck to his man boobs. Since his hair was also greasy, this stuck to his forehead and made him look like he'd just emerged from a pool. This wasn't helped by his diet: Goblin tinned pies, oven chips and coca cola

Naturally, the stench was pretty bad. His room was a compost of rank, stale sweat. He didn't change his sheets for a year and used to wank himself almost lame a few times a night, amassing a mountain of jizzy tissues under the bed.

The worst occasion, however, was when he shat himself after drinking cheap cider all night. The toilet was almost completely covered with a thin, reeking broth of shite that filled the entire house with an anal stench.

I visited him a few years after we graduated and noted with some disgust that his teeth had acheived botanical proportions and that his toothbrush was the same. This was especially repulsive, because the week before we all left the house another housemate had drunkenly cleaned the toilet with Paul's brush because he hated him so much. Nobody ever told Paul.
(frankspencer, Thu 22 Mar 2007, 16:11, Reply)