Working in IT, as I do...
This QoTW is a bit of a gift to anyone who works in IT. I've worked with some right weirdos in my time, but there's one that always stands out.

I'll call him IanD, because that was his logon ID. And it's enough so that he'll know it's him. I don't think he'll be offended, as he was quite proud of this one at the time.

I joined a company in Oxford, known for high-quality work, and supremely able lunatics. One or two of the people from there are well-known Internet loons. Honest!

They employed one person by the name of IanD, as mentioned earlier. A few months before I joined, the MD had taken IanD aside, and through the dual media of detailed diagrams and threats of blunt object trauma, had managed to get him to shower, sometimes. A few times a week, anyway.

The next problem was tooth-brushing. IanD's teeth weren't white. They were instead a bright, neon highlighter yellow. Somewhere around #CCCC00, or possibly #EAEA00. His gums were, by contrast, a really angry red, like fire-engine red (oh, #EE0000 if you must). When he talked, which was often, loudly, and voluminously, you could see his gums bleed across his teeth. It was like watching a road accident.

Naturally, his breath stank like rancid dog poop on a hot day. It was enough to curl your hair. Luckily this meant that you generally stayed far enough away from him that none of his spit landed on you as he talked.

So why, you ask, did any sane company employ this guy? Well, other than observing that the company was known for employing unusual people (hey, they hired me!) he was quite simply one of the most brilliant coders I've ever seen. I saw him hit a problem once, and he simply stayed in the office until he'd produced some utterly insane code to sort it. This is the main reason I gave up programming. I wasn't in the same league. Not even in the same sport. I can get programs to work, sometimes. He could make them fly. Or sing. Or anything.

What does this have to do with the QoTW? He decided one day that we should welcome new members of our happy little band. Not with the traditional 'go to the pub and drink' ceremony, but with a traditional licking. That's right. He licked people. With a tongue that looked like a rotten carpet tile. This never happened to me, but it did to one person.

Poor chap, just returned to the UK from overseas. His name starts with B, I think. He got a job in Oxford, and moved in. Halfway through his first day, B's quietly picking his way through some documentation, when the door bursts open, and IanD bounds into the room, clothes flapping open (no, really). IanD swiftly licks him across the face, then exits the room again, like a really evil-smelling hurricane. B freezes in panic for a second, then runs from the room with a hand over his mouth. He reappears about twenty minutes later, pale of face and trembling, then goes to see our manager.

B left for the day at that point, and didn't come in the following day. He turned up again the day after that, still looking rather terrified.

Apparently there was HR involvement, which still leaves me thinking 'WTF got *said*?' There's not normally anything in the company rulebook about licking co-workers.

IanD left to join a dot-com startup, and I've never heard from him since. But I'm sure he's still out there somewhere...
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Sat 24 Mar 2007, 10:30, Reply)