Personal HygieneThere comes a point at which your hygiene becomes less your problem and more everyone else's:
My old school nurse never seemed to wash - instead she wrapped herself in crepe bandages from the first aid kits. The smell was beyond pungent. If you got ill at school, it was better to suffer than try and explain symptoms whilst only breathing out.
When she was eventually 'let go',they had to strip the wallpaper in her office to get rid of the lingering odour.
How scuzzy have you got? Or, failing that, how bad have people you know got?
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chthonic, Thu 22 Mar 2007, 12:40)
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The Original Shit-StainThere was a bloke who used to work at our place, who can only be described as a total minger. It was bad enough that he’d fallen out of several ugly trees, but his personal hygiene was a total disgrace.
We affectionately christened him “Shit-Stain” as soon as he started on account of a permanent mark down his chin that looked just like a smear of turd. He wore the same clothes day in day out; a hideous body warmer that we suspected to be once orange in colour. We tried to discover this fact by putting it through the industrial Tray Wash machine – it looked the same when it came out.
He came in one day looking particular grotty; apparently he was cycling to work, needed to vomit, so let loose as he was peddling: the resultant splash-back not only caught him squarely in the face, but covered the despicable orangey body warmer.
He used to steal food that he’d find in the bins; usually out of date liver, cooked ham or mince, which he’d hide under the frigging tray wash machine of all places. Inevitably this would half cook his hidden stash so it was ripe with nastiness (as if it wasn’t already). Nonetheless, he’d take it home to scoff.
On lunch breaks he ate yoghurts with mould on the top; simply scraping away the offending layer of crustiness. None of the other lads would sit in the canteen if he was there, rather than being subjected to the hideous stench, they elected to eat their meals outside – whatever the weather.
His house was also a shit pit; motorbike in pieces in the bath, rabbits with free reign around the place, pissy mattresses on the bedroom floors etc… – he actually told one of the lads that while eating meals at home, the rabbits would leap up & help themselves to stuff from his plate. The mind doth boggle.
Anyway, complaints were duly thrown in at work & he was called into the office on many occasions, eventually being dismissed for being a smelly flea ridden scum bag.
Seven years on and his legacy remains; the legend of Shit-Stain.
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Adolf Jitler is editor of Practical Shoelace Collector, Wed 28 Mar 2007, 14:22,
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