Your fish needs YOU!
As most cats do, our cat Pashta used to come bearing gifts. Often it would be a severed mouse head, the choicest of rat-innards or a collection of feathers and gunk.

One day I hear him yowling at the door desperate to be let in, open the door to the kitchen and...in he comes with a fish in his mouth. Not just any fish, oh no, it's the hugest Koi Carp I've ever seen in my life and it's hanging out of both sides of his mouth. He drops the mammoth goldfish, and it flails about on the floor. It's alive! Quickly I get a bowl and just about manage to get the fish in so I can fill it with water so it doesn't die. Meanwhile, I take the bowl and go upstairs to run a bath. I now have a bathtub full of freezing cold water with a huge fuck-off goldfish swimming blearily round and round in circles in it.

Both I and my mum were flummoxed. We didn't have a pond into which we could put the fish, nor did anybody in the street around us or for a long way round. This fish must've come from much further down the street. So, that evening we made posters and stuck them up all round the neighboring streets:

HAVE YOU LOST A FISH?
YOUR FISH NEEDS YOU!
we currently have a large koi carp swimming round our bathtub. If you've lost a fish, please call etc etc

We only got one call, and it was from some bloke saying that it wasn't his fish, but we'd given him the best laugh he'd had all day. Eventually our neighbor's brother in law came round and agreed to take the fish. He had a pond....but then he also had a deep fat fryer. Oh well.
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Sun 10 Jun 2007, 10:58, Reply)