Well...
Despite the fact that a fellow employee is a B3tan, I'm going to post this. One of my phobia, among many, is being heard shitting while in work.

I have a very Victorian attitude to such things at the best of times, but given our open plan office, there's nothing between my quaking bowels and an important meeting save for a thing bit of wooden door.

Normally, it's not an issue, just shove a load of loo roll down the pan to cushion the impact and away you go... Sometimes however this doesn't work, and you can guarantee those are the times when someone finds something particularly interesting to do just outside the toilet door.

Abnormally, there are the moments of bowel explosion, where a dangerous build up of gasses, combined with amplifying capabilities of the china bowl creates a resonanting chime that joyously lets the world know what's going on in there. That's when you just know you're going to open the door and walk back through a silent office, who've all just been treated to the sound of your erruption.

Thing is, I never need to go at home, where it's safe. It's ALWAYS in work. :(
( Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Mon 14 Apr 2008, 12:14, 4 replies)

Well
Console yourself with the fact that you're shitting on company time, using the loo roll that they've paid for. That should cushion the blow.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 12:26, closed)

^^
Totally agree with the china bowl bit!

There is nothing worse than having been for a shit knowing that all and sundry have heard your arse burps!

Happened to me at the current GF's flat when we started going out, and the toilet seems to have perfect acoustics to transmit.

Toilet makers are bastards.
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 12:27, closed)

In uni halls
...everyone can hear your bum burps.
(buzzmong procrastinating since 1987, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 12:52, closed)

@ Buzzmong
The least popular of the Alien films.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 13:40, closed)