Dogs. Needles. Dogs armed with needles.
Two big ones for me:

1. Dogs. When I was two years old I was pretty severely savaged by a poodle. (I know, pit-bull, rotweiller sounds way cooler, but poodles are fucking cunt-dogs bred to be utterly insane bastards, and are always owned by complete cunts.) I have vague early memories of a set of snarly dog-fangs trying to bite my face off - it managed to tear a good chuck of my neck apart, and I was lucky to live. My dad ended that poodle's life with a mattock, bless him, but it did start a very long feud with the neighbours.

Anyway, these days I just avoid dogs, but the little shit-machines can smell fear I think, so the most common greeting I get from dog-owners is "He's never bitten anyone before, he's always so gentle." I do warn people with dogs to keep them away from me, they tend to say "Oh, but MY dog is well-behaved." I usually then ask them if they are allergic to peanuts - if they say yes, I tell them that they taste fine to me, so why don't they eat them?

I also tend to react fairly aggressively to dogs that try to bite me, having read some martial-arts stuff on fending of animals; if someone's pekinese goes for my ankle I have no qualms about kicking it as hard as possible in the throat. I can understand that you may like dogs, but I don't like dogs, ok?

2. Needles. Like the entry below, I don't do well with needles of any kind. Just typing about them makes me dizzy. I've had many hilarious episodes scaring the crap out of doctors / friends / strangers with my tendency to pass out when I see one.

Favourite ones include the blood test when I could feel my senses going out one-by-one. The last was hearing and I heard my doctor calling for help then a wierd scraping noise and a sound like wood being dropped on a tile floor - it was the sound of my head scraping along a wall and hitting the floor.

Another fun one was waking up to find the cute dermatologist who had just tried to remove a mole from my chest stradling me and pounding my chest CPR-style, then yelling out the door "Is that ambulance here yet?"

Oddly enough, one of my hobbies is tapestry - I don't have any problem with sewing needles!

I have a phobia of having my arms bitten off by velociraptors, but that has only happened in dreams so far.
(corinoco is waiting for the revolution., Tue 15 Apr 2008, 5:03, 3 replies)

Poodles...
I totally agree.. bad-tempered stuck-up bastards with a vicious streak a mile wide.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 15 Apr 2008, 8:19, closed)

Yeah .....
agreed. It must be because they take it ill out that their owners have poncified them up so much.
( Ramsay Tupper, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 8:26, closed)

Poodles are nasty little feckers.....
...most probs pissed off because their owners make them look gay as feck. Wouldn't you be pissed if you looked like 7 balls of candy floss and dyed pink and purple every couple of weeks? I know I would.

Dogs on average tend to be all about who'se the boss. Literally if a dog knows you aren't afraid they do pick up on that and more often than not they back down. If they don't you could always pull their front legs wide apart, that'll fuck 'em.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 8:37, closed)