SPIDERS!
There I was, living in the states with my new wife, doing a bit of the domestic chores, while she was at college.
I saw at the doorway to our bedroom a large spider, about three feet above it, an open window, I froze, looking at it, sitting there, little bits of grass stuck to it's back. Clearly this demon had come in from the garden.
I backed away, contemplating my next move and whether or not he'd be wise to it. I collected a plastic cup from the kitchen and slowly crept up, sweat pouring, heart racing, in my best indiana jones from raiders impersonation I struck, covering the spider with the cup, before retreating quickly, filled with a sense of pride and bravery.

About 6 hours later my wife returned home, I told her of my epic struggle, locked in mortal combat with mine enemy. I informed her that after my brave capture of the beast, she could dispose of it, safe in the knowledge that the hard part was done.
Unfortunately, unbeknownst to me, she knew something I did not and dutifully went to destroy the creature....So I thought. the next few seconds are a blur, but I was running, hard and fast around the coffee table, pursued by a woman with mischief in her eyes and a huge freaking spider in her hand, laughing like only a maniac can.
After a few minutes of this, with me convinced that soon I would be dead, she fessed up.

It was plastic. It belonged to our daughter.
It was the grass on it and it's proximity by the window that lead me to add 2 and 2 and come up with death.

I'm yet to live this day down.
(The Cosmic Fool Became aware that the bird is indeed the word on, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 14:35, Reply)