For Those About To Dump, We Salute You. Or Shoot You.
General Etiquette Time.

Dumping someone by letter (yes, I am that old) has a certain style, and gives the dumpee something to (a) sob bitterly over until it becomes a soggy mass well on it's way to under-the-pillow-papier-mache, (b) rip dramatically in two or (c) use for knife-throwing practice while laughing insanely.

Doing the deed by phone has an immediacy level higher than Snail Mail, luckily the old style phones (you know kids, the ones with those funny curly wurly thingies) could take a fair old hammering when thrown violently at the cat, and nothing is better than screaming "YOU FUCKING SOUL-STEALING WHORE BITCH FROM HELL" down the line.

(Except discharging an air horn down the phone and causing their eardrum to rupture in a shower of claret, leading to months of pain, vertigo and tinnitus. Laugh that one off, slag-features.)(I was bitter, but I'm over that now)

Leaving modern communications devices aside, it's time for the face to face bit. Oooooohhyeah.

Naturally a Gentleman would never dream of, f'rinstance, knobbing his way around a few friends and acqaintances while still 'in' a 'relationship', and would under no circumstances blatantly import a fresh female into his abode while living in the same building as his current snake with tits. Sorry, partner.*

He'd just say something along the lines of......(insert cliche here).....which translates to "Piss Off Love, Ta for the shags and that but the thought of me hooking up with you for one more minute makes my gag-reflex tie me into a pretzel of hate, my throttling-hands itch, and that cliff look inviting, but we can still be friends as you might be up for a quickie or two later on"

Simplicity itself.

Now a female of the species** apparently...

(and to keep the statistics nerds happy, this is a small sample group of one as I have only contemplated sharing my existence on this planet with ONE soul-destroying slag-bitch from the deepest pit of Lucifer's Domain*** [with nice tits] so far)

...when faced with the same predicament, will take the labour-intensive route mentioned above of not only humping her way through friends and acquaintances, but blatantly doing so in a shared building.

(Large people were called. Fixtures were damaged in a noisy fashion. I was a bit cross.)

Sheesh, all that time and effort wasted.

Giving me thrush was the mark of a truly dedicated chucker, giving it that extra 10% Enjoy your four fucking gold stars.*****


I've only ever dumped one person. Admittedly it was into the Manchester Ship Canal, but minor little details like that should not sully one's reputation.

All this text, email and a strange thing called Facebook are far too modern for the likes of me.

I'll be moodily looking through some old photos, staring across 18 years through the bottom of my glass to a time when we did things properly.

Facebook? Ptooie.





* I am not bitter and do not have issues.
**(Now known as fucking heart-breaking, life-destroying, lying mad bitch from the town of Bitchville, Bitchshire, UK.)****
*** I do not have issues
**** I do not have issues
****** I do have a bit of an itch now
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:21, 5 replies)

*click*
A fantastic blend of reminiscent wanderings and wistful ponderings, and some good old anger filled rants.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:28, closed)

*click*
especially for the Manchester Ship Canal line
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:34, closed)

Pretzel of hate
is a rather fine phrase that I've never heard before.

*scribbles in notebook*

*clicks*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:35, closed)

y'know
I'm glad you don't have issues :)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:50, closed)

*click*
I'm a big fan of eloquent rage!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 16:05, closed)