More of an accident really ...
But I was glad it ended.
I was in the dying breaths of a drawn-out relationship, and naturally ended up drunkenly rutting with a friend. Sadly, I did this sans sheath, and contracted the most virulent strain of chlamydia imaginable. When erect, it looked like a stiffened murder victim. Flaccid, like a sulking clitoris with hayfever.
I gritted my teeth and hoped it would go away, and successfully abstained from nude tomfoolery with my gf for about three days. Finally, again after lots of booze, I allowed her to de-trouser me, hoping a quick gobble would pass without incident. Of course, it did not. As soon as my pants slipped off there was no mistaking that a lot was amiss. My stinking, suppurating womb ferret popped out, angry tumescent foreskin glistening with what looked like ghee and smelled like Grimsby. We were only young, but a woman instinctively knows a wrong-cock when she sees one. Bit like with wasps. They just scream ‘danger’.
The whole sorry story spilled out and we were done. Unfortunately she told a not inconsiderable number of friends, and being in a small town, I soon became known as ‘the one with Aids’ (god bless Chinese whispers) and didn’t get any poontang again til I went to Uni.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:55, 7 replies)

oh lordy lordy
fantastic, if nauseating imagery. *click*
(jennymnemonic, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 16:31, closed)

Isn't chlamydia
symptomless?
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 16:38, closed)

Sometimes it is.
But only around half of people exhibit no symptoms. Funnily enough, I caught it again a few years later and had no idea until my doctor told me after a routine MoT.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 16:51, closed)

*giggles like a nutter*
Oh, you're going to fit in well round here...
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 22:28, closed)

my ex
One of my exes accused me of giving her chlamydia... we worked to together, and the break up was sort of a mutual decision (instigated by me), but she insisted that i must've given it to her, so i had the test and everything, (managing to avoid the whole baby bud up the knob thing, a blood test was quite enough, thanks), and it turned out i'd never had it. She still had to get me to bring the documents into work with me so she could have a look at my test results to believe me.
Connasse!
(Alaning, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 17:45, closed)

You receive a click
for the phrases "sulking clitoris with hayfever" and "stinking, suppurating womb ferret".

Brliilant. I salute you Sir.
(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_ =o.o=, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 19:20, closed)