A story to make you shed tears of disappointment with the Hero
I have a very good friend, let's call him Ted, for that is not his name, and try as he might he singularly fails to persuade anyone to have sex with him despite his crazy outlandish plans. He puts more effort into them than Wile E. Coyote put into nailing Roadrunner.
These plans have included:
1) Becoming Treasurer of the JCR in order to get to meet girls, hoping that the position of power would entice them into 'checking his accounts'
2) Having the photos taken when people came to the uni for the first time placed outside his room so all the "fit fresher girls" have to come to his room in order to find them. One girl was particularly singled out, and he hardly bathed or slept in case she came when he was in bed or in the shower. When she came, he was in the shower. He screamed.
3) Having massive parties in his room hoping that his natural 'charm' and 'wit' will entice the ladies into riding him like the mangy stallion he is
4) Deciding when the Wii came out that having one would attract girls to his room. So he spent upwards of £400 on eBay to get one and managed only to attract the girls he was already friends with (who of course are all taken)
5) When there was a JCR election, he did a 6-hour stint at the polling booths in order to meet the fresher girls and impress them with his wit and knowledge of their names (obtained by memorising the aforementioned photographs)
Of course, none of these have been successful. He told us when he'd last had sex, so I worked out when it would be 500 days since he last got nuts deep in someone's guts, and being the good friend I am, told all mutual friends.
On the day, we Nimble Colin'd him.
600 days is on April 23rd. If you have an idea as to how we can celebrate this GAZ me and if it's good I will work it into a subsequent QOTW. I want to make it a big thing.
( Dave the Mighty, Mon 16 Apr 2007, 10:47, Reply)