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This is a question The Police

Sitting in my local pub late one night enjoying the landlord's flexible idea of what constitutes his licencing hours, a bunch of drunk blokes in raincoats burst in. Requesting to be served, one shouted at the barman "It's alright - we're not coppers!"

They were spitting images of Lt. Columbo to a man. The barman laughed them out of the pub.

(, Thu 22 Sep 2005, 10:12)
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My home town - Harlow, in Essex - has some lovely cycle paths. About 12 summers ago, two of my friends and I had a charming little tradition. On the weekend I would cycle to the local town park - I was furthest away - and pick up my friends as I went. Once together the three of us would amble merrily along, stopping only to raid a nearly off-license. Back packs bulging with cans of K cider and various beers, we would sit on a hill near the pitch-n-putt area and drink, chat, and watch the sun go down.

The journey home was often a lot more wobbly than the journey out.

One time, I had waved goodbye to one friend and continued my merry way home. I got to Mill Lane, very very close to home, when I noticed a police car parked outside the entrance to the lane. I leapt off the bike and started pushing it along as I noticed the copper standing by the car. You've all spoken to a bobby whilst drunk, right?

"Evening orific... officer - what's happening?"
"Oh, we've had reports of a pervert in the playing fields down the lane, so we've got some officers checking it out."
"Can I go down the lane? My house is near the end..."
"Sure thing - but make sure you walk the bike, as you clearly have been doing so after so much to drink..."
"Of course, cun.. constable!"

Half way down the lane is a small side road leading to the playing fields. Happily pushing my bike along, I suddenly hear a voice yell "DOOOOOWWWWWNNNNN!!!!", and I turn to the right and see a German Shepherd flying at my head.

I have never moved so fast. I crouched down beside my bike, putting it between me and the dog, which actually managed to drop out of the air and lay down, growling at me. My eyes met the dogs through the frame of the bike, and I've never sobered up so fast.

The policeman came over and leashed his dog. I stood up, shaking like a leaf, and he said "Sorry, son, thought you were a pervert. Good job she'd only just started her leap. Hey, you're not going to ride that home, are you?". I just pointed down the lane and nodded, unable to speak for a moment.

"Ahh, on your way then, on your way..."
(, Thu 22 Sep 2005, 22:17, Reply)

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