For all of 30 seconds
Didnt really think I'd have anything to contribute to this until about half an hour ago.
Was in a realtionship with a lovely guy some years ago.
It ended amicably when he got a chance to run some businesses overseas and i didnt feel ready to marry or leave my life here.
We've kept in touch and always used to hook up whenever he was over here.
He eventually met someone and our contact just became the occasional freindly email every few months.
His lady sounds very nice and i am genuinely happy for him, but i admit there was always a little bit of me that thought 'what if?'
Anyway he called me tonight, hadnt spoken to him in about 4 months and he totally floored me.
He told me he has been thinking of proposing but theres one thing he wants to clear up first,
would I reconsider going over there now?
Bloody hell!
I made light of it and said no, i was happy where i was.
He then said if there was any chance of us getting back together he would sell up everything and move back over here.
For half a minute I knew that if i said yes, he would do it.
I had absolute power to alter 3 peoples lives with one word, and one of them not for the better.
I said no :(

I feel like crap, but it was the right thing

i think
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 23:33, 14 replies)

definitely
been there, done that.
kind of.
still miss him, but still glad i said no.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 23:35, closed)

yep
I know

but


:(
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 23:59, closed)

i know it's hard
and you're going to think "what if?" many times over the next few years, but if it's meant to be, it will happen. if he's willing to leave everything for you now, there's a chance that he'll come back to you if it all goes tits up. if nothing else, this will give you time to think about whether or not you really want him, or just want him now because you can't have him.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 0:04, closed)

Weve been off and on for nearly 20 years!
I'm a commitmentphobe, the only reason we lasted so long was he was often working away.
We'd amicably split, i'd see someone else but the minute he came back, we were together again
I know no matter how much i care for him, if we were to spend more than 6 months together i'd be climbing the walls.
this lady wants to marry him and have kids and all that so hes much better off there.
But as you say who knows what will happen in the future
When we're too old for all that stuff and nonsense it might work LOL
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 0:15, closed)

commitmentphobes unite!
12 years on and off with my ex. the on was when we were mostly just having a laugh(and sex, of course), the off was whenever he mentioned us living together or getting married. i'm an absolute bitch to live with!
if you want to talk about it, feel free to gaz me :)
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 0:27, closed)

Wow, that's tricky.
I let 'the one' go. It was the right thing to do at the time, I was way too immature.

But I regret it. You'll always compare others, and they will never quite match up.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 9:13, closed)

I thought I'd found 'the one'
but then I look back on how unhappy the relationship was and realise that if they were 'the one', then the relationship wouldn't have been unhappy.

I prefer to think relationships end for a reason and that they couldn't have been the one if you weren't blissfully happy.

Too many Hollywood movies, perhaps?
( Bats, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 9:54, closed)

It's
the comparison thing that does it.

I wasn't particularly happy at the time, because I wanted to do and see other things, - which I did, and I'm sure it was the right thing to do.

Looking back and looking where I am now, I know I missed the right person for me. Doesn't mean I am disfunctional or hung up, but I know it's true, and it is a regret.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:11, closed)

If he values your opinion...
Tell him not to marry her.

If he'd drop it all for a relationship with an ex... She doesn't deserve to be married to that.

Bad relationship.
(Scritty Bakerman., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 9:27, closed)

This

(Nanny Pat vote for me, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:55, closed)

oh :(
this had not occured to me
good point
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 12:28, closed)

Rubbish.
All relationships are about compromise.

No man is monogamous through nature. It's through cutting his losses.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 15:40, closed)

well
there's quite a big difference between 'entering into a monogamous relationship with the right person because it's worth letting go of other possibilities for', and 'entering into a monogamous relationship with the wrong person because the right one said no, so you may as well settle'.

One is compromise, the other a recipe for serious trouble down the line.
(no way hose is staring unemployment in the face on, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 16:39, closed)

Love bloody matters.
Bringing children into a relationship when you'd drop the one you're with in a second for an old flame...

If he's not fully in love with this bird, why the hell is he doing her the dishonor of dishonestly marrying her? She sounds like she doesn't deserve shit like that.
(Scritty Bakerman., Thu 15 Jul 2010, 6:56, closed)