Shoddy PresentsI have an aunt who for many years would send me the same christmas present every year. A Biro. Each year I wrote inevitable "Thankyou so much for the Biro. I am using it to write this letter" letter, each year a new one arrived.
Tell us all about the rubbish that has been foisted upon you over the years.
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chthonic, Thu 23 Sep 2004, 10:14)
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Spooge GogglesWhen I was in the military, I was roomates with this young lass who was always having crazy sex with her boyfriend that culminated in her getting spooged at in the eye. This would be followed up with a trip to sick call for massive pinkeye infection, whereupon the doctor would sigh and give her some drops. A couple weeks later, the same thing would happen. I tried to talk to her about the finer aspects of oral sex and the need for her to avert her head but apparently she didn't listen.
Somewhere in the midst of all this sexual eye infection problem, there was a big military christmas shindig, all formal and obligatory, with our uniforms all pressed and our commanding officers present. These guys were so stiff I wanted to check them to see if they had a pulse, at they stared at all of us with laser eyes and were followed around by some poor soul who took notes on the festivities.
The best part of the whole damn thing was when we all gathered around so that the enlisted folk (that was me and my peers) could exchange their secret santa gifts.
Imagine my roomate's surprise when she opened her box to discover a pair of laboratory goggles with a big engraved metal tag hanging off of them that said, "SPOOGE GOGGLES".
About 25 enlisted people, in full dress blues, had to run to the bathroom real quick whereupon we all collapsed against the stalls in a fit of hysterical laughter.
(, Thu 23 Sep 2004, 17:14, Reply)
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