Once upon a time
A long long time ago, with my hair loss far away....

I decided i would like to become a nurse ( helping sick people and all that)

I had a good attendance record at college ( i had to do an access hnc as my standard grades were piss poor)

The only bit i struggled with (apart from getting there for 9am ) was writing essays.

The first ones were easy as they were human biology and i had just completed one of my 2 highers (woooo!!) in biology.

The rest however i just could not be arsed with. I believe there were 14 in all that went towards my final pass/fail mark.

After many months of being asked why i was bothering to come in if i was not handing in any work it was crunch time.

We were given a date (about one week away at 9 am) when all coursework must be handed in by or it was an automatic fail.

Now i had already dropped out of uni and would be getting made homeless by my *proud* mum and dad if i made a tit of this one.

We arrive at the day before deadline day and lazy sparklehorse has not written one line so i did what any sensible lazy procrastinator would do.

I phoned my smoke provider and ordered one ounce of his shittiest soapy,i then phoned my equally lazy procrastinating friend in Glasgow and made him the offer of as much soapy as he can smoke in one night as long as he is prepared to type up ( after i write) 14 essays of about 2000 words each.

A deal is done so at 6pm i get in the car and head to Glasgow. Seeing potential failure glaring straight at me i decide to stop off at a chemists and invest in 2 packets of pro plus (no red bull in those days) and make my way to friends flat.

After 2 hours of smoking i decide we really need to start so essay writing begins.

Sparklehorse then decides to pull his whole hand out of his arse and at least try to pass this course.

At 11pm, heavilly stoned and very twitchy off half a packet of pro plus we decide munchies are called for so head off th the local supermarket.

Unfortunatley my twitching/sniggering are picked up completley wrongly by a 90ish year old man and his daughter ( no idea why a 90 year old is shopping at 11pm?).Aformentioned old guy proceeds to threaten to batter me for being a cheeky wee shit (i wasnt) and when i sniggered his daughter decided she wanted some as well.

After grabbing said munchies and scraping my friend off the floor due to bursting both lungs laughing at my predicament we pay and leave quickly.

Back at the flat we write/type/smoke for the next 8 hours and at 8.30 am the last one is finished.

A 30 min drive back to college and Sparklehorse proudly hands in all of the essays just in time.

About a week later i get a phone call from my lecturer asking me to come in for a chat where i am grilled for an hour about who wrote said essays, aparently it could not of been me!!

To cut a long story short ( well not really) i passed every essay and sauntered out with an HNC in health care woooooooo!!!!!

I like to believe that good things come to those who cannot be arsed!
(sparklehorse is loving popping his cherry...again....honest, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 21:39, Reply)