Nudie ladies
When I was in my early teens I had the great fortune of stumbling across a stack of razzle, fiesta and men only mags at a bus stop near my house that some friendly neighbourhood perv had bequeathed to the next randy teenager who happened by.

I had a problem.

Although the haul was the equivalent of discovering the Rosetta Stone to my teen eyes and grubby teen hands, there was absolutely no way I could stash all this porn in my room without my mum finding it.

So I decided to condense the porn. Refine the stack of twenty-odd mags down to one managable-sized ream of uber-porn. I would sift through, armed with a pair of scissors, and cut out the nicest sexiest dirtiest looking lay-dees and then make a scrapbook as the ultimate mastabatory aid.

It was a great plan.

Only I never got round to it. Instead I dumpped the pile of mags in the shed in the box my dad used to store the lawnmower in.

And then a couple of weeks later my ultra-Catholic, ultra prim n propper aunty wanted to borrow the mower...

My mum actually threw a plate at my head.

But she missed.

And in the end like all good Catholic mothers my mum was more relieved that I wasnt gay - apparently she had her doubts up until then.
( SpankyHanky, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:13, 2 replies)

I thought you were going to say
that your poor old dad got the blame!
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:15, closed)

That would've worked...
... except I found out a few months later that my mum and dad prefered to make their own porn. Just never ever ever go routing through your mum and dad's draws. For years what I thought was a Remmington Fuzz Away actually turned out to be a 12 inch vibrating cock...
( SpankyHanky, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 16:27, closed)