Ah hah hah!
I have been to church twice in my entire life. Both times I was christening one of my spawn.

Both times, the Godfather and I were the only non-Catholics in the party and being thoroughly ignorant of all these curious little magic spells and rituals managed to doom ourselves to Eternal Damnation through our unwitting blasphemy.

At one stage in the proceedings, Godfather was asked to light a candle from one of the tall thin highly decorated jobbies in front of the altar. Instead, he managed to put it out.

The gasp of barely suppressed horror from the congregation was class. He further compounded his heresy by PICKING UP the ALTAR CANDLE, lighting the mighty bugger and the original baptismal thingy as originally instructed.

He should have lit a joint too just to confirm his ring side seat in Hell.

And later, when I pointed this out to him, he threatened to put a horse's head in my bed.

Class.
(Que?, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 4:56, 1 reply)

Catholics and their funny magic spells
I went to church pretty much every Sunday until the age of 18, so I'd probably still be able to parrot all the CofE incantations if I ever went back, but when I went to a Papist wedding a couple of years ago the magick seemed to be up a level. Rather than batting one-liners back and forth (Vicar: "Go in peace to love and serve the Lord", Flock: "In the name of Christ, Amen"), every time the priesty man uttered a trigger phrase, all the Holy Romans would leap to their feet and recite a pome. My date for the day was a lapsed Caflic, so she found herself joining in automatically, while I gave up trying to stand up at the right times after getting completely out of sync, and just shared silent giggles with the two other people in the church who didn't have a clue either. Happy Days.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 9:41, closed)