Duck (Scary) vs Builder vs Solicitor
I had some building work done, but got ripped off horribly when the useless workshy cunt of a builder did a runner with the job half finished. After negotiating an out-of-court settlement, the useless workshy cunt never paid up and left town leaving no forwarding address, and there followed a short exchange of letters with his legal representative, Mr Useless Money-Grabbing Cunt of a Solicitor.

Dear Mr Duck (Scary)

I represent Mr Useless Workshy Cunt of a Builder. We note from your recent communication with our office that you have referred to my client as "a bit of a crook". These comments have been seen by Mr Cunt of a Builder's former business partner, and this therefore constitutes a serious libel against my client.
A payment of £1,550 will settle this case without having to resort to the courts.

Yours etc
U.M.G Cunt of a Solicitor


Dear Mr Cunt of a Solicitor

I note with some interest the contents of your letter, and respond as follows:

1. I have spoken to Mr Cunt of a Builder's former partner, who tells me that your client has absconded owing him £2,500 and agrees wholeheartedly that he is a "bit of a crook"
2. He also notes that your office has requested £1,550 in unpaid legal fees from him, owed to you by Mr Cunt of a Builder. He has, I understand, refused to pay Mr Cunt of a Builder's bill
3. I am sure that the Law Society will agree that the sum owed to you by Mr Cunt of a Builder, and the similar sum you have requested for this alleged defamation is a complete and utter coincidence

I therefore refer you to the answer given in Arkel vs Pressdram

Your pal

Duck (Scary)

He does not reply
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 27 May 2010, 12:59, 6 replies)

Ooh, I like you.
Why oh why can't I be a fly on the wall when letters like this are opened.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:10, closed)

I clicked 'I Like This'
but couldn't feel more sorry for you fella. I've had to help out Clients in the past who have been left high and dry by crooked Builders.
Good on you for the letter exchange though, and hope you got the building work (eventually) sorted :)
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:13, closed)

Finished it myself
...breaking my thumb with a hammer in the process.

This letter was my GREATEST VICTORY EVER, (and written after sacking my own Useless Workshy Cunt Of A Solicitor for being a useless etc) and I'm still very proud of it.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:16, closed)

good on ya!
/on all counts bar the thumb/hammer interaction. Glad it worked out :)
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:20, closed)

Excellent work.
Have a *click*
(uk_viper stopped lurking on, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:45, closed)

Extra clickage for the Private Eye reference
Obscure humour is always the best.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Thu 27 May 2010, 19:06, closed)

*Clicks for Mr Duck*
Nicely...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 28 May 2010, 13:26, closed)

if its not too strong
I FUCKING LOVE THIS !
click click click
(shinypurplebit booked his tickets (yay) on, Fri 28 May 2010, 17:16, closed)