Threesome in the Graveyard
This is a story which gets brought up by my friends time and time again after a few beers. It happened nearly four years ago now, but I still remember every detail like it was yesterday.

It was a warm Friday night in June, and I'd been on a bit of a session at my local pub. Upon leaving, I decided that instead of walking home my usual way through the town, I'd take a shortcut which took me through a park and through an adjoining graveyard. During the winter months, I would never dream of going this way; there are woods to the back of the graveyard and it was just far too eerie. It was a combination of the booze and the warm evening air that took me through the graveyard. It was late, but still light.

As I neared the entrance to the graveyard I could hear raised voices and it wasn't hard to work out that it was a man and woman having an argument.As I got closer, I could see the woman was clearly upset, pushing the man away from her whilst shouting a mass of abuse at him.

I ventured over; the woman looked very upset,her face was red and blotchy, and although the man didn't look threatening in the physical sense, he was calling her all the names under the sun. He turned to look at me,"Fuck off mate, this has nothing to do with you".

"I just want to check that she's ok" I murmured, and the woman turned to look at me.

"She's fine, now fuck off" scowled the angry man, but I wasn't scared. God bless alcohol.

I spent the next 45 minutes sat on a bench in the graveyard finding out that they were, as I suspected, a couple, and were arguing because Craig (the angry man) had been chatting up some random bird earlier that evening, much to Debbie's (the woman) annoyance. My drunken state led me to believe I was some sort of Trisha Goddard/Jeremy Kyle type. I was on a crusade.

I told them that I could see how much they loved each other. I expressed my concern that they were damaging their relationship by arguing like they were. I told Debbie that she should trust Craig more, and I advised Craig not to take the piss too much, put himself in Debbie's position for once. I let them know of past relationships I'd thrown away and of how lucky they were to have each other. I talked non-stop bollocks, rambled on and on, but I'd calmed the situation quite remarkably.

Then, it happened.

Wihout any warning, Debbie leant in for a kiss. I was taken aback to say the least. There I was, trying to sort out their relationship,a relationship of 2 people I'd met less than an hour previously, and she was coming onto me.

Now Debbie wasn't the ugliest, but by no means was she pretty. The best I could describe her would to be 'chavvy' or whatever the equivilant of that was 4 years ago. I could make out a slim figure underneath the tracksuit top and jeans, the moon seemed to reflect off her shiny forehead. She smelt strongly of fags and hairspray.

I decided to do what any man would - I kissed her back.
As we gained momentum, passionately shoving our tongues into each others mouths, I grew more aware that Craig didn't seem to mind. I didn't open my eyes to find out, I was actually enjoying the moment, but you'd have expected him to at least throw a bit of a wobbly.

As things started to heat up, I felt by no means awkward. The situation was so bizarre but I just seemed to get on with it.
Debbie reached into my trousers and started tugging on my ever hardening cock quite feverishly. I carried on kissing her, eyes closed, and reached into her top to have a fondle of her (quite firm) breasts.
I became aware that Craig had stood up. Through my squinting eyes I could see him bashing himself silly, all the while staring at me and Debbie intently.

Soon enough we were all naked. I took Debbie from behind, quite slowly, whilst she performed fellatio on Craig. I remember her using the end of the bench to steady herself. As I began to thrust harder and harder, Debbie was begging me to come deep inside her but I wasn’t ready.Perhaps it was the alcohol that was giving me the stamina.
I squeezed my throbbing shaft at the base and withdrew. The sight of me, member bobbing around proudly, caused Phil to withdraw from Debbie's mouth and spatter her face with his man fat. She looked like a plasterer’s radio, but she managed to force a smile and lick her lips a little.
I was started tugging myself like a little Spider monkey at this point, whilst furiously fingering Debbie’s baggy snatch. Yes, she wasn't 10/10 for looks, but her pert breasts more than made up for the lack of friction I was receiving from her vaginal passage. She had a nice little rug on her as well, like a 70s German porn star.
Craig was watching us again with beady eyes and was semi-erect. I took his place on the bench and lay down. Debbie shimmied herself over me and then squatted, releasing a torrent of fluid over my chest, which I massaged into myself. She then lowered herself onto my wand and began to slowly gyrate, leaning forward so I could take a nipple between my teeth. I held onto her arse for support and went at jack hammer speed. Debbie wailed loudly and arched her back, her ribcage protruded through her skin. I was ready to unleash my load into her cunny and she shouted, “I’m coming you fucker” as she climaxed.

After she had dismounted, i looked at Craig. He nooded as if to say, 'No problem'. They got dressed quickly and left with a quick 'See you around'. I kissed Debbie on the cheek and as I watched them walk off into the night, the realisation of what had just happened hit me. I sat where Iwas for a while, slack-jawed. My heart was pounding and I'd sobbered up quite a bit.

Then, much to my shock,I heard clapping and cheers. From the wooded area at the back of the graveyard, 4 lads emerged from the darkness.

"Good lad", "You dirty fucker", "Nice one fella".

The shouts were aimed at me.
I was very embarrassed but strangley aroused. I'd never been caught in the act before.

Head down, I ran home, and proceeded to have the best wank of my life to date.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 11:59, 4 replies)

well...
i got a semi reading that

bravo
(jonny_power boom chika wah wow, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 13:15, closed)

Ha-Ha!
Isn't Debbie the one with the glasses that works at the chippie?
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Fri 24 Apr 2009, 15:08, closed)

Sadly
Yes
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 15:13, closed)

You mean...
...the one you alluded the gherkin/intelligence reference to?
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Fri 24 Apr 2009, 15:18, closed)