Not so good
At university I fell in love with the most beautiful girl I have ever known. I wasn't the only person to fall in love with her, but by some miracle she chose me (actually I found out later that I was one of several people, but let's not let facts spoil the story).

I'll call her Q: she was stunningly beautiful and loved mucky sex. She had a boyfriend at another university so wanted to keep our relationship a secret from her friends. She was in a shared room, I was not, so my bed saw a lot of action, but it did mean our possibilities to meet up and do the dirty were restricted.

One day, after a particularly hot shag, she whispered huskily in my ear that she wanted me to come to her parents' house that weekend "to tune my harpsichord". I thought that a rather poor euphemism: when I realised she'd said "to tune my father's harpsichord" I was even more worried. But it turned out her father really did have a harpsichord, and as I was somewhat musical this could be a good excuse.

So we took the train to her parents' house and I messed about on the harpsichord a bit in the morning. After lunch Q suggested we went for a walk in the woods. When we were well out of sight of the house she took me by the hand and led me into the trees. “This may be the only chance we get this weekend” she said as we walked deeper into the woods. Then, “I want to show you a special place”.

Well I’d already seen her special place, but perhaps seeing it outside would be even better, I thought. Turns out it was a special place in the woods she wanted to show me. There was a glade, and it was perfect. The sunlight came slanting down through the trees, illuminating the mossy floor with shafts of green and golden light. The leaves seemed to be rustling sensually as we stood looking into the hidden grove. The only thing missing was a baby dear. Two trees had grown leaning together, their trunks forming a kind of arched entrance. Q looked up at me and proceeded to tell me about wood-spirits and ancient pagan customs, and the meanings of trees. As I lost myself in her deep brown eyes and soft voice she told me that when we walked through the arch are souls would be joined and the magic glade would be ours to consummate our woodland wedding.

She led me through the arch into the clearing and we stood in a beam of sunlight, holding hands and gazing at each other. I bent down to kiss her and as our lips met I swear the birds started to sing. Well we snogged and then there was some fumbling and rubbing and pretty soon we were lying down on the mossy grass. Q started undoing my belt and trousers. My hands were already in her pants, so I pulled them down and she manouvered her legs to get them off. My cock came free and she was stroking me enthusiastically as I undid her blouse, exposing her beautifully formed breasts. She rolled me over onto my back, pulled a condom out of a pocket somewhere and expertly put it on me. “I love this girl”, I thought as she straddled me, her long dark hair falling around my face like a cage just for us two.

I think it was around then that I noticed the spider web in her hair, but my thoughts were elsewhere. Her head was down close to mine, her eyes closed as she moaned. I felt an itch under my bum, against the ground, but chose to ignore it. Q reached round to scratch an itch on her back. I kept pumping away as she squirmed delightfully on top of me, and then moved her hand to scratch one knee. I was aware of the itch on my bum getting worse, and I was starting to feel a scratching on the back of my neck. I used one hand to scratch it and felt something on my neck, something wriggly. Then there was a burning sensation starting at my neck and moving down my back, the itching on my bum turned into a biting, Q’s sexy squirming turned into an irritated shaking and her moaning from pleasurable to complaining. She suddenly leapt off me, her hands going under her clothes to scratch herself and I reached for the burning areas on my skin. I looked down to my glistening dumbstick, only to see what looked like a small army of ants marching up my thighs towards it, pausing only to sink their enormous jaws into my soft flesh. I stood up and started dancing around, slapping at my legs and back, where more ants were beating a path down my spine. Something was in my hair: a beetle! Q was standing head down frantically scratching at her head and I swear I saw spiders and centipedes falling out as she pawed at her hair.

We both ran and jumped, scratched and slapped, I more encumbered than she as my pants were round my ankles. Eventually I thought I’d got all the bugs off me but my skin was still crawling. I felt a slimy thing on my thigh only to look down and discover it was my condom-clad and now-deflated member drooping slimily against my leg. Q was crying as I pulled up my trousers, still shivering and twitching as I felt the creatures crawling over me. To cap it all off a bird flew over and crapped on me with a laughing cackle.

Q stormed off, sobbing and I followed her, pushing our way through what now seemed thorny, unfriendly undergrowth, pausing occasionally to claw frantically at more spiders which had latched on to us.

We got back to her parents’ house, rushing to have (separate) showers. The harpsichord never got tuned.
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 13:15, 7 replies)

Ha


I guess the woodland spirits dissaproved of your cheating ways...
( Evil Prof. Pixel Masher I made this!, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 13:30, closed)

OMG
Iam never ever going to do the deed in woodland


still shuddering
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 14:08, closed)

ew!
made me go all itchy... ew!
(twiceydrinker hmmm is it pint time?, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 14:33, closed)

Clicks reduce itchiness
it is well known
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 15:07, closed)

I imagined this story happening
with Desmond Llewelyn.
(Cuthbert Annihilator, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 19:38, closed)

Harpsichords are made of awesome
The rest was alright too.
( ejlflop errrrrgs. Regularly., Fri 24 Apr 2009, 23:27, closed)

Nice
Clicky for twitchy
(Ejaculantern was caught desecrating pumpkins on, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 2:45, closed)