Technically this could have gone in the 'clubs' category as well but...
Although I've done the dirty deed in public a few times, nothing particularly funny happened. So rather I will tell of an occurrence that will stick in the minds of a number of the residents of Southampton for a LONG time.

In this wonderful city there lies an alternative/metal club called The Dungeon, or the Dinge to the locals (just to give an idea of its general classiness).

One of the best things about this club is its massive outside smoking area, which is thoughtfully lined with benches and covered booths for those rainy outdoor fag breaks.
One evening, pleasantly inebriated, some mates and myself were partaking in some nicotine-y goodness complimented by the truly, truly godawul Dungeon vodka (honestly, this stuff is so awful that when people first drink it they tend to throw it straight back up).

Suddenly, out of the corner of our eyes, we noticed a couple. Now this couple were not quietly necking in a booth, out of the way, oh no. They were positioned at the very end of the garden, where is it almost impossible NOT to see.

To put it mildly, they were copulating. To put it explicitly, they were having some of the most rampant, animalistic sex it has been my pleasure to witness. No 'let's-do-it-against-a-wall-so-people-might-possibly think-we're just-making-out' for them, oh no, this started with a full, trousers down, on your knees blowjob, with added pornstar sound effects. Rapidly they progressed to some girl-on-top action, the gent thrusting for all he was worth with the lady in question riding him like a Grand National winner. It did not stop there; the gamut was run from reverse cowgirl to doggy, and when the lad reached the vinegar strokes she, like a champ, got straight back onto her knees and swallowed the full load.

When they had concluded this mini marathon the entire garden full of smoking goths, which had been watching open-mouthed (including the bouncers) burst into a round of applause.

To their credit, the couple bowed and walked off, and everyone went back to their drinks.

Length? Couldn't see very clearly, but it was certainly fulfilling her needs.
*pop*
(Uncle_B0b, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 18:48, Reply)