Oh God.
Thinking back to when I was a younger, more energetic pup, I've realised that where I thought there were few stories locked away in my mind-cupboard, there's actually quite a lot.

Ones like this make me realise why I've repressed so many though.

I was a late starter to alcohol for these parts, abstaining from touching the cheeky-water until I was the grand old age of seventeen. A friend of mine lived with his dad who was away a lot, and so the inevitable parties ensued. It was at one of these parties I consumed my first ever alcoholic drinks...... two half pint mugs of cider, buckfast and irn bru. It was vile. I tried to start a fight and got carried home.

A few weeks later, my love for the demon drink had begun to flourish, and I was mildly pongoed once again in my friend's house. My girlfriend at the time, for some reason, found the sight of me being unable to so much as bite my little finger incredibly sexy, and dragged me into a bedroom for some frantic sweaty mess-making.

Well. It was a bit oif a disaster. Even a half naked blonde guzzling away on the old clotted cream cannon could only raise half mast out of the old boy, as I was completely beyond useless by this point. Unexpectedly though, she didn't go all huffy and storm off, but seemed to get even more, erm, amourous. It was plainly obvious that my (largely girlfriendless virgin) friends were listening to every noise outside the room, as we could hear them giggling away and there was the occasional "Get in amongst her!" shouted through the door. This for me was an odd situation, but my girlfriend was getting louder and louder, rubbing away on top of my chopper like a dog with worms scraping it's arse along a carpet. We were still mostly dressed, but I had unhitched her ample charms earlier on and they were bobbing away in front of my bleary eyes as she moaned louder.... and louder..... and, oh! Yes, it's all happening now. Finally the old chap woke up, I knew he would he's a trooper, and it looked as though I was going to get some rather weird, fairly public action.

Suited me fine by this point.

By now, she had noticed the old luncheon meat truncheon had risen from the grave, and we frantically started drunkenly tugging at what remained of each other's clothes. God I was gagging for it. I'd even stopped noticing my pervy little mates braying at the door..... or at least I had up until one of them burst in.

Now. To say I was a little peeved by this was something of an understatement. Having my first ever drunken bone-a-thon marred by a crazed, sex starved mate bursting in is one thing, having it interrupted by a crazed sex starved mate bursting in, flaccid cock in hand, slurring the words "shag her in front of me, bleeeeugh", your girlfriend screaming and your mate then running crying from the house saying he's going to kill himself because he had been told to fuck off rather abruptly, well, that's quite another.

I spent the rest of the night looking for him, then patching up my other friend who had been jumped by a gang as he looked for him in the other direction. I never did get my drunken fumble that night, though it wasn't soon afterwards I realised the wondrous effect alcohol has on sex.

There's nothing sexier than holding your girlfriends hair while she retches on her fingers trying to make herself sick.

Ah happy times.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 1:56, 2 replies)

You had me giggling all the way through that
"clotted cream cannon" --taxed, thanks

"Get in amongst her!" --how terribly, awfully posh :)

"the old luncheon meat truncheon had risen from the grave" --nice

"shag her in front of me, bleeeeugh" --I'm guessing he threw up immediately after bursting in? If so, marvellous.

*clicks*
( chart cat has an itch, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 4:35, closed)

It's a classy area round these parts :D
Yep, spew all over the floor, wasn't my room though so I wasn't too fussed, plus considering what he was waving around it could've been a lot worse :P
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 18:20, closed)