Many moons ago...
…in the summer of 1992. The summer that was ruined by not being able to leave a house of turn on a radio without hearing Bryan Adams caterwauling ‘Everything I do, I do it for you’ (although maybe I was just pissed off because it stopped Sit Down being number one. Mind you, if I recall, it also stopped Right Said Fred, so maybe it was worth it).

Anyway.

Summer.

1992.

A youthful and exuberant Scarpe and his equally youthful and exuberant girlfriend are on the back seat of a National Express coach from Essex to the sunny climbs of…um...wherever it is in Lincoln that they have that Tulip Festival…from where she originated.

The plan was a weeks worth of unfettered sex away from our parents* at the house of a friend whose parents had foolishly entrusted her to look after it during their holiday.

However, as with all plans, last minute changes are made.

And our change was that, actually, we couldn’t wait until we got there to start our shag fest. A few pathetically inexperienced kisses, some clumsy fumbling and her penchant for too short skirts and a few minutes after pulling out of Chelmsford coach station (which, if rumours I have heard of her exploits after we split up could well be used to describe her fanny these days) she managed to manoeuvre herself so she was, facing away from me and I was somehow able to get the old chap inside her.

Now I would like to say that we stayed that way for ages, but I was 17 remember, so, sadly, it was a matter of two minutes, three if I am being generous to myself (and probably 90 seconds tops if I am being honest) before I spuffed my guff up her chuff.

She got off me.

I sat back. Contented.

Until, from midway down the coach a voice said ‘Christ boy, if you’re going to do that on here, at least do it properly’





*EDIT: I’ve just realised that makes us sound like brother and sister**, it would probably have been better phrased as ‘both sets of parents.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 17:58, 5 replies)

Spuff/guff/chuff
I like
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 18:01, closed)

Sex? Without having two sets of parents?
Assuming she was from Spalding, that's never been an obstacle.

Fenland, where having 4 grandparents is more of a target than a necessity.

Click for rhymes.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 23:16, closed)

Good work
Sir! gets my click!
( SpankyHanky, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 11:39, closed)

Spalding...
...Is about a 20 minute drive from me...

I worry about you poor boy, there are quite a few... uh... disturbing stories that come from round there.

The gene pool is limited and all that ><
( unsey a frizzy haired fruit since, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 12:10, closed)

A click!
hehehe I'll leave my bus story, 'cos this is far more interesting..

A friend's Mum used to be both a Midwife in Spalding, and full of scary stories about work.

The two items may be connected.
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:01, closed)