Spray that again?
So there I was, on my way home from work, changing trains at Winchester for the direct service to Weymouth.

A few seats away, and causing a bit of a scene was a office type, rather the worse for wear after a liquid lunch, which looked like it had lasted most of the afternoon. Even with the train standing at the station, he was swaying, and calling a repulsed middle-aged woman "me best mate, hic."

Soon, his body started to convulse in the manner we drinkers know only too well. He needed to puke. Quite urgently.

A sane, rational, dare I say sober, person might have bowked out of a window or into a rubbish bin. However, our hero was obviously none of these and instead made a dash for the toilet at the other end of the carriage. And he might have made it too, if it wasn't for the little old lady blocking the gangway, trying to get her case onto the luggage rack.

Newton's First Law of Chunder clearly states: "You Can't Hold Back Puke" but our hero tried his hardest, clamping his hand over his mouth. Newton's Second Law goes on to say "Great calamity befalls the person who tries to disprove the first law."

Rich brown vomit was bowked over a wide area - passengers, hideously expensive buffet snacks, up windows, and over some flash bastard pretending to work on his laptop.

Hell broke loose, as puke rained down over people who'd paid their season tickets not to have this kind of thing happen to them.

As the screaming subsided, the train pulled into Southampton Airport station.

"Errr... sorry," the Puke Bandit slurred, suddenly regaining his senses in the way that only a good hurl manages.

Laptop Man wasn't in the mood for apologies, and there was a second where it appeared blood would be spilled as he stood up, to face his tormentor, his face spattered with brown goo.

Our hero took his chance and legged it, grabbing his coat and case and jumping train miles from home. It is amazing, though, that even covered in vomit, only one person dared to complain; while others sat, reeking of chunder for nearly two hours as the train reached its destination.

Apologies for length: Full twelve-inch remix version HERE.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 30 May 2008, 9:17, Reply)