Antisocial Behaviour
Here are some methods I have used to deal with various sorts of antisocial behaviour on public transport. I have used every single one of them - though I caution that in some cases it helps to be 6'4" and have no measurable sense of embarrassment...

1) The Aeroplane Seat Recliner

Flying from Basel to London a couple of years ago. Woman in front reclined her seat, or tried to. Encountered my knees. So, being a selfish prat, she tried again, good and hard. The effect on a plane ful of passengers of someone screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh. My knees." as loudly as he can is really quite entertaining. I don't think the woman in front dared breathe for the remainder of the trip.

2) The Table Hog

You've all seen them on trains. Aisle seat. Laptop in front of them. Papers all over the table. Bags on the two seats opposite. Simple solution: two year old child. Hours of fun.

3) The Screaming Child

I'm not too bothered about a bit of childish noise. It's what children do. However ... what do you do when a child is standing on teh seats in a train, leaning forward and screaming in the ears of the couple immediately in front while the mother does nothing? Why, you start screaming just as loudly yourself. Elapsed time to shut child up: 0.3ms. Average noise from child for rest of trip: -46dBA. Ay thang yew.

4) Mobile Phones in the Quiet Zone

This one doesn't have to be confrontational. I find that saying "Excuse me, did you realise that this is the Quiet Zone" (gives them a face-saving back-down) almost invariably works. However, if you want a bit of fun and are out of sight of the person, I recommend just shouting "Quiet Zone" as loudly as you can.

Looking back on these, I see that almost all of them involve me making a lot of noise. But that's OK. The reason people get away with these things is that people are too embarrassed to say anything about the, Draw attention to them loudly, though, and the combination of natural British reserve and clear agreement from other passengers works wonders.

Finally, my own antisocial tip for getting a table to yourself on a crowded train, which I discovered oing from Euston to Edinburgh a couple of years ago. Just before getting the train I had been browsing in the Friends' House bookshop opposite Euston, and had bought a cheap second hand bible, mainly for crossword purposes. I dallied a bit long, so ended up running for the train, hurtling through Euston just as it was announced, being one of the first on board and throwing myself, exhausted, onto a seat. The book just went on the table, along with the other stuff I was carrying. The train was full. People were standing in the aisles. But, dear reader, with that bible in front of me, not a single person sat at the other three seats around my table for the entire journey...
(ubergeekian, Fri 30 May 2008, 15:18, Reply)