Naked ladies?
Many years ago when I was a very small girl I had a lovely big walking and talking doll.

Which makes it sound like Bride of Chuckie or similar....it wasn't.

It was a large blonde doll which sported a sprinkling of holes in its chest rather like a plug hole and below this was a big button. When the button was pushed the doll said things like, "Would you like to play with me?" and, "Will you be my friend?"

Anyway, I was young and adventurous and thought that the doll, while lovely with her long blonde locks and blinky blue eyes (with eye-lashes), could do with a bit of improvement. I had repeatedly made her 'outfits' fashioned from tissues and drawing paper, but this was not enough.

No. She needed a proper makeover.

Gok Wan, Trinny and Suzanna, none of them had anything on me - I was truly ahead of my time. I took a blue biro to my doll's face and gave her firstly some fetching eyeshadow, then pretty blue lipstick and finally the pièce de résistance - blue facial tattoos.

As I said, ahead of my time.

Sadly my parents didn't agree with me. They were rather 'disappointed' with me....rather disappointed with my mother's (hard) hand across my backside.

Fortunately my father had a friend who worked at the local Pedigree factory - Pedigree (for those of you born in the 80s or later) made toys such as Tiny Tears and the famous Sindy doll (she was the cheap slut cousin of Barbie).

This friend could get my doll repaired or maybe a new head if necessary. All that was required was the doll to be delivered to the factory on Monday morning.

So Monday comes around and there I am with my mum waiting for the bus to take us into town, from there we can walk to the factory. The doll is safely tucked under my mother's arm, naked save for a blanket wrapped around her with little pink flat feet protruding and my mother looking like a body snatcher of rigid toddlers.

The bus is packed with people going to work - this was the 70s - not everyone had a car in those days.

As a complete aside, I had to assure some young children today that back when I was a child there were cars and I didn't go everywhere by horse-drawn carriage. The wouldn't believe me, however, when I said that there was a civilised time before the internet.

One empty seat was left, my mother pushed me towards it and she chose to stand with my beloved friend under her arm.

I sat down and enjoyed the journey as the bus slowly filled up as we got closer and closer to town.
And as we got closer and the bus got busier so the blanket wrapped around the doll got looser and looser.

My mother was entirely unaware of this until one man started to whistle a tune....he was joined by woman singing a tune.....then another...and another until the bus was in uproar....

The tune?

The Stripper.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 4 Jun 2008, 21:32, 6 replies)

Pedigree
I'm glad you cleared up the Pedigree thing, I just thought you were referring to the dog food makers, who I'm sure would do an admirable job of repairing your beloved doll.

Also, on an aside, I have become a bit of a grammar-nazi of late, and put the blame more than partly on you.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 4 Jun 2008, 21:42, closed)

Pedigree
I believe were later bought out by Hornby - of the train and Scalextric fame.



Good grammar is our inheritance. Sure, I'd prefer to be minted, but until that time, a decent grasp of English grammar will have to suffice.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 4 Jun 2008, 21:55, closed)

Well
You take care of improving the grammar of the nation*, and I'll take care of the getting minted bit, and possibly spread the wealth.

*please start with the people on my course.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 4 Jun 2008, 21:59, closed)

I had a life-sized doll when I was very young also.
She didn't walk or talk though.

But she did scare the crap out of my Grandmother once. Grandmother was spending the weekend, tripped over the doll in the middle of the night, thought she had killed me, and started screaming. I didn't have the doll for much longer.

How many people do a spell and grammar check before replying to Madame Poultry's posts?
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Wed 4 Jun 2008, 22:53, closed)

All of them
I check all my replies, and all my posts, as I fear a repeat of an earlier episode when I made a mistake and got pulled up on it.

Made me feel like I was back at school again.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 4 Jun 2008, 23:00, closed)

You know something?
I'm really not *that* bothered about spelling and grammar....it just makes it easier for all of us to be understood.

And now I'm misunderstood - I *am* Grammar Hitler....but I'm not a vegetarian.

;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 7:32, closed)