man walks into the pub with a long face
sits down at the bar, and says to the barman 'dude i need a DRINK. i got no money, but if you like, i can show you somethign AMAZING.

the barman thinks, and says, ok, show me and if it's amazing enough, you get a free one.

the man opens a small holdall, and a tiny man in a full tuxedo hops out, peers round the room, spies an old upright piano, and leaps off the bar and legs it over to the piano.
he starts tickling the ivories, first chopin, then bach, then some fine honky-tonk number. impressed, the bartender pours the man a whiskey. the man knocks it back and says 'look, if you liked that, you'll LOVE this. free drinks all night?? the barman nods, so the man pulls out an old battered oil lamp. he says 'rub this, i got it off a guy, it's got a genie, and the usual deal, three wishes. he had one, i had mine, now there's one left. use it wisely.

the barman takes the lamp, rubs it and sure enough a rather elderly genie comes wheezing out. the barman whispers in his ear, the genie smiles, nods, and claps his hands. suddenyl there's amighty sound, like 'poof' and the bar is filled with quacking. there are ducks fuckin EVERYWHERE, in the ashtrays, shitting in the bar nuts, in the pint glasses, swimming in the drip trays.. more ducks than you thought existed.

over the deafening row, the horrified barman shouts to the man 'what the FUCK is this? i asked for a million BUCKS not a million DUCKS??? what kind of half-assed genie is this?

the man turns to him and says 'dude, did you HONESTLY think i asked for a twelve inch PIANIST?
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Sun 8 Feb 2009, 17:36, 4 replies)

I remember telling that joke
in 1986.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 8 Feb 2009, 17:50, closed)

i remember nothing of 1986
i was 4 though. guess if i hang in there my age will cacth up with my sense of humour and i'll have an excuse.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Sun 8 Feb 2009, 17:54, closed)

let's be fair...
that's a damned good re-telling of an oldie!
gets a clicky x
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 8 Feb 2009, 19:36, closed)

'tis true
a good rendition
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sun 8 Feb 2009, 19:44, closed)