what just happened?
I'm 11 years old and walking down the street. It's a hot Saturday in summer and I'm taking a stroll into town to visit Lewis Measons which currently has a nice selection of Action Force figures that I want to spend my money on.

As I'm walking down the road on my own I'm in a haze of self indulgence, reliving an arguement I had with my brother the day earlier. You know the score, thinking of something really witty and scathing, the ultimate put down....only 36 hours too late. Anyways, I think of something witty and imagine him going red faced and bursting into tears, unable to withstand my superior intellect and comedy genius. So much so that I laughed out loud.

Suddenly I hear, and what I can only describe as, a fucking twat screaming "Oi! Are you laughing at me!"

I shake my head out of my daydream and see across the road is some teenage dickhead wearing baggy purple trousers, a waistcoat that looked like he had handmade it from his nans carpet, round blue sunglasses (like John Lennon only a really shit version) and a small round hat which looked like an upturned cloth ashtray.

To be fair I hadn't even noticed him until that point and, despite his absurd outfit, I was genuinely really scared. He was twice my size, had a mate with him, and I was alone and bewildered. "No" I stammered, "I just thought of a joke".

For some reason this only antagonised the jumble sale happy shopper who started to make threats to me from across the road. Only the passing traffic prevented him from racing across and punching my face in. Luckily, his mate was obviously embarressed by the whole scene and managed to get him in a bear hug saying "He's not worth it Jim. He's not worth it!" before forcibly shoving him down the road to whatever school fayre they were headed to.

It wasn't until the next day that I realised I should have shouted "Nice hat you bellend!" before running off.
(plant rolls out of bed like a fat wobbly tub of lard, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 13:08, 1 reply)

I used to dress like that, only I'd wear tight jeans (or a nice velvet pair).
Seems churlish to get cross if someone were to laugh at that.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 27 Sep 2013, 13:24, closed)