Trunk Monster
Twas the glorious hot summer of '93. I was a student up in Manchester. My mates and I decided it would be a laugh to go to the local swimming pool and twat about on the slides.

One problem: I didn't have any trunks. Never really saw the need in them, what with the lack of sunny golden beaches with glorious azure water in the Greater Manchester area.

No problem: I had a pair of baggy black boxers that would do the trick.

Now, I'm actually an incredibly smug git when it comes to swimming. Used to dive for my county and I'm really rather fucking good at it. Could say I've almost got gills.

When we turn up at the pool, get changed, and venture out to the fun area, I'm pleased as fuck to see they have diving boards. Lots of um. They even had a 15' one.

Being Johnny-Big-Bollocks I immediately shot up the ladder and performed the sort of dive a dolphin at Seaworld would've clapped its slippers at and say: "Now that's a fucking perfect dive, that is - wish I could do that."

I clambered out the pool and waited for the adulation from my mates and the great and good people of the metropolitan Manchester area.

Instead all I heard was a shrill female voice proclaim: "It's a MONSTER!!!"

I glanced down and saw my spam dagger hanging outside the slit in my boxers, it appeared to want to know why the fuck it was suddenly wet and cold and what the fuck the big SPLASH was moments earlier.

Fuck.

I put him away and decided not to bother with the diving boards anymore.

I was actually quite proud some girl had referred to my spunk sword as a monster.

Admittedly, she was only about seven, but I tend to take the compliments where I can get them.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 9:09, 3 replies)

Ooohhh, did you really used to dive for your county?
How funny, so did I! If that true then we've probably met at some point, what with the diving world being so small.

Although, I fear this tale may be somewhat embellished, so I shall contain my excitement for now.

Good story though, clicky all the same!
(Burt Burt, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 11:09, closed)

Northants
early ninetees, mate.

Spent most of my time trying it on with the young ladies - they wern't having any of it.

The fuckers...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 20:36, closed)

Were the young ladies also
seven?
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Mon 16 Mar 2009, 5:20, closed)