oh dear...the scars
picture the scene,Wick,Scotland 1998, house party, you've drunk far too much newky brown and fallen asleep on your mates couch, there's 3 people asleep on the other couch, 4 on the floor in sleeping bags and an absolute monstrosity getting comfy on the end of your couch.

then she moves closer....
bit closer.....
head on your chest...
hand in your boxers....


bugger it, when in rome.

i'm 16 stone, so was she. a less appealing beast with 2 backs could ne'er be found.

she had 2 false teeth.
no redeeming factors; they called her Jayba the hutt at school.

The thing I've been most ashamed of doing with a penis???

putting it in her.

next weekend i went back for seconds.


apparently i broke her heart, she loved me.
i was young and stupid. i should've stayed away. i should'vwe said no.

i didn't and i've got to live with it.

cold, i know. i get grief about it whenever i go home. that was a long time ago.

getting flashbacks now.

god i feel ill.
(Captain Benzo Panda fighting, live on tuesdays., Fri 13 Mar 2009, 13:08, 5 replies)

I don't think I like you very much
.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 13:22, closed)

ok
fair enough,

i was young and stupid. i should've stayed away. i should'vwe said no.

i didn't and i've got to live with it.
(Captain Benzo Panda fighting, live on tuesdays., Fri 13 Mar 2009, 14:15, closed)

You get a click for quoting shakespeare
bonus points for quoting shakespeare whilst waxing traumatised about a fat bird you shagged.
(Helixdaunting, Mon 16 Mar 2009, 4:09, closed)

aye.
Fat and a hippocrocopig, dinnae forget that
(Captain Benzo Panda fighting, live on tuesdays., Mon 16 Mar 2009, 12:24, closed)

What's so bad about her weight..
if you're hardly a small bloke yourself? You said you both weighed the same and seem to hint that you are less than attractive for it...
Hypocrisy, dear sir, hypocrisy!
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 16:16, closed)