A half-remembered tale that I'll pretend was me
So I was at this party, right, and there was this load of rugby lads there, yeah? And they were all being right tossers, and one of them probably rubbed his nuts on my pint or something like that.

So the person I might have heard this off reckons I hatched a plan to get back said rugby tossers. Opening the fridge and surreptiously making off with one of them big tubs of margarine, or butter, or something equivalent for the purposes of the story, I retired to the bathroom.

I scooped out a load of the butter or Flora or whatever it happened to be and did a massive great big poo into the tub. The story then goes that the butter was put back in the tub in such a way as to make it look normal, and the tub was carefully returned to the fridge so as not to arouse suspicion.

Whether or not this happened I'll never know, but apparently the owner of the butter got very cross the next day or whenever he happened to need some butter, and they all had a big punch up over it, or something like that. It would probably be funniest if the biggest twat of the rugby lads got the blame and had his entire face set on fire as punishment, so we'll say that that's what happened.
(Eukanuba, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 14:14, 6 replies)

That only works if
a) you keep it short. We know by the end of the first paragraph it's a 'fuck you' post. The rest was a waste of typing.

b) your user name is Vagabond. He'll have already done 15 of these.
(username failed moderation, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 15:32, closed)

you frightful bore.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 15:39, closed)

Just remember
Next time you go to the kitchen to make a sandwich, that's not Marmite.
(Eukanuba, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 16:27, closed)

I carefully wrote the word "poo" in someones butter once with a tea spoon handle
They took the butter out the fridge the next day and asked why I had written "ood" in their butter.

Pencil shavingly real story of butter peril, right there.
( Dervel OTBC, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 17:14, closed)

This really should've been on the main page, as its ace.

(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 17:17, closed)

I'd be lynched!

( Dervel OTBC, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 17:19, closed)