Tanks and airports
As a wee Kranglet, there was one thing I wanted more than anything in the world: a remote-control tank. One that would trundle along with a rotating cannon that could fire little pellets at local wildlife. I would imagine the adventures I would do on with my remote control tank. Like how I'd defend my house from an invading army with nothing more than my remote control tank. I fell in pre-pubescent love with the idea of a remote control tank.

Two decades passed, and despite discovering the joys of firing a cannon in a process that rhymed with "tank", I was fundamentally tankless.

Until I found myself in the lobby of a Prague hotel, in proud possession of one remote control tank. I do have to question the logic of a company giving away said military toys to a bunch of people who would be catching a flight home. The boxes (or hangars, as I like to refer to them) (actually, where do tanks live?) were huge, and just about everyone in the lobby of the hotel had one.

I was catching a flight to Helsinki, and then one back the UK, and I really didn't want to have to deal with excess baggage charges, or just losing the tank.

A Czech middle-aged woman approached me, obviously intrigued by the sheer number of tank boxes in this particular hotel lobby.

"Where did all these tanks come from?" she asked, obviously assuming there was some sort of giveaway somewhere.

"A company gave them to us."

"Ah, my son would really like one of those."

"Well, GET FUCKED THIS IS MY FUCKING TANK AND I'M FUCKING KEEPING IT I'VE WANTED ONE SINCE I WAS A KID YOU CUNT," I replied.

And I went home and enjoyed my tank for about five minutes before it was consigned to a tank-shaped hole under my bed.

OK, those above two sentences didn't actually happen, I gave her the tank and felt a bit better - and lighter - for it. I still find myself pining for a remote control tank, though, but I like to imagine the look on the little Czech boy's face when he found what his mum had brought home for him. Before he inevitably consigned it to a tank-shaped hole under his bed.
( krang, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 16:28, Reply)