ooo, another one
it wasn't because of the sex, that was great.
it wasn't because of his looks, which i found interesting.
it wasn't his meanness with money, although that played a part.
no, the magic well and truly left the building when he gave me a bottle of perfume* for valentine's day and told me "i bought this for my ex, but she dumped me before i could give it to her."
that's 2 for 2, then.



*it was tweed, ffs.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 20:22, 17 replies)

hahahahhahaa!!
Tweed! Oh good god. :-)
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 20:24, closed)

he's the only bloke i've ever known
who'd happily watch snooker on a black and white portable, because he was too cheap to buy a colour telly or pay for a colour licence.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 20:37, closed)

I bet he didn't buy soap either.
Am I rite Smash? Am I?
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 21:18, closed)

he did
lifebuoy soap. fuck knows where he got it from!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 21:20, closed)

Wow, thanks.
Now I feel like a romantic and understanding man, at least in comparison.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 20:50, closed)

what really got me
was how proud he seemed of his thrifty ways
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 20:52, closed)

Hey!
Perhaps he wanted to provide for you?
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 21:07, closed)

no, he was just really cheap
spending half an hour in your kitchen, filling your tomato sauce bottle from packets you took from macdonald's isn't normal.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 21:14, closed)

Why decant them into the bottle instead of just leaving them as packets?

( Bob Todd whee, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 22:24, closed)

so people wouldn't know he was a condiment-obsessed pikey

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 22:28, closed)

Cheeses Cripes!
I take it back -- the guy was a nutter.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 18:07, closed)

yep
but the sex was fantastic ;)
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 23:55, closed)

that
is classy
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 10:57, closed)

isn't it?
he used to buy 20 ciggies and put them in his inside jacket pocket, whilst leaving a 10-pack of menthols in his outer pocket. if anyone asked for a smoke, he'd say "yeah, but i've only got menthols"
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 16:29, closed)

That, however
Is very sensible. I shall be doing this.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 10:02, closed)

Oh my!
That didn't half make me laugh. Did you keep the Tweed? :P
( Evil Bastardo, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 16:02, closed)

i gave it to my mum
she's old enough to appreciate its old-woman-smell-masking abilities.

not that my mum smells, mind.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 27 Oct 2010, 16:28, closed)