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This is a question Crappy relationships

"Recently," Broken Arrow tells us, "The missus informed me that her brother was moving with us." What has your partner done that's convinced you the magic's gone? "Breathe" is not an answer.

(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 12:33)
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(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 14:05, 11 replies)
My nightmare
A few years ago I moved to a new job. I didnt realise it at the time but the stress fueled events of the past 2 years had unkowingly to me started to take there toll on my mental well being.

I first met This girl Michelle on an internal training course and I thought she was a nice girl, not unattractive, slim, dark hair etc. She was also very bright and clever. Anyway we started a form of relationship which was really inappropriate because I was happily married and I was 10 years older than her. Over the next 4 months she went from a nice girl to showing me what she was really like. She was a manipulative, secretive, headworking, whore.

It turns out I had been sufering with depression for about 18 months and I couldnt understand why I even had these feelings for her. Getting involved with her almost ended my life, she pushed me into severe depression and I ended up on anti depressants for 18 months and almost being sectioned. She nearly ruined my marriage and for no reason other than to get an esteem boost by trying to get me to leave my wife.

I should mention at this point that "I never had sexual relations with that woman!" so technically I never really cheated on my wife. Something I am eternally grateful of. My wife who is brilliant and didnt deserve one second of what I had put her through stood by me and helped me get better. She also helped me see through my normally innocent and trusting eyes that there are a lot of cold emotionless calculating bitches out there who will stop at nothing to get what they want.

I was very lucky as I very nearly lost everything dear to me. Anyway not being one to let shame get in their way Michelle moved on with her life and set about traping her next victim. Mike her manager. Mike was in a stable 20 years plus relationship which he suddenly decided was no longer what he wanted after a works party ended with him giving Michelle a lift home where upon she kissed him good night rather inappropriately.

Poor Mike was in a spin, this girl was 15 years younger than him, what was he to do? Well He ended his relatinship with his partner and started a secret relationship with Michelle. Michelle is actually the one who wanted it kept secret (for the time being she said). Things went on and progresed to sleeping with each other. Then just after xmas after telling Mike she really liked him and wanted their relationship to work, she suddenly changed he mind the following week on the day Mikes bank were phoning him asking him if he wanted the 125K loan for a new house.

Mike was a litle upset at this as he felt he had been used and manipulated by Michelle. Unfortunately for Mike his relationship with Michelle was a poorly kept secret and it cost him his position as manager along with his reputation. Mike came to see me a week later as he suspected I had also been a victim of Michelle and we swopped stories and expeiriences about the wonderful girl. It was very enlightening.

The worst thing I learned was that apparently she had a dabble at her best friends husband too. What made it really bad is that her best friend also had breast cancer at the time.

Anyway alls well that ends well. Michelle left for another job. Well she thinks she left of her own accord but the reality is that she isnt the only one who can manipulate people or events and lets just say a succession of avenues and doors were closed off or locked to her. It is a little sad to take comfort about seing a woman cry because she didnt get the promotion she clearly thoght was in the bag for her only to see it go to somebody she was in charge of. Yes its a bit sad but very very rewarding all the same.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 13:47, 8 replies)
Well we had dating for a few weeks, he was a few years older than me, about 24 I was 17.
Bill seemed attentive, sensitive, smelled good and looked like an axe murderer ( that's how i like em ) He had a job money and a car and his own place too. All seemed good!
Then I was invited to a neighbours party. An 18th birthday party round someone’s house. My first opportunity to introduce him to my chums! It was your usual house party. Couples in the bedrooms, spliffs in the kitchen, drunk people dancing to Wham and vast amounts of booze. I knew most of the people there, but bill knew none of them. I had been chatting with my girly chums in the front garden while Bill ( i thought) was spliffing it in the kitchen. Imagine my surprise when all of a sudden bill pulled up outside in his car. He got out and was carrying one of the pair of samurai swords he had hanging on his bedroom wall. He stood on the pavement and did some godawfulembarrasing ninja swordfoolery accompanied by squealy ninja type nnngggggggggggggggg noises.
Now I’m not one to blush, but fuck me I was glowing with shame. It took me quite some time to calm mad bill down and get him to go back home as opposed to ninja slicing his way thru the entire party crowd. I still to this day have no idea who upset him or how.... but that was the last time I saw bill. It scared the shit out of me and I hid indoors for 2 weeks worried I was gonna get ninja sworded for telling him it was over.
I found out a while later that bill was actually a loony psyco who tended to get stabby slicey for no apparent reason and had used his swords on many occasions.
Im just pleased i didnt invite him home for Sunday dinner.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 13:32, 8 replies)
There is magic to start with?
Self delusion maybe, before you start to become irritated at:
* the noises they make when they eat,
* the pig-like snort they make when they laugh
* their friends (who invariably fall into the categories of unemployable troglodytes, racists or criminals) and the fact that you've 'got' to be nice to them
* The fact you can't kill them, 'cos you know prison rape will likely be unpleasant
* their mother
* The fact you can't kill her, 'cos you know prison rape will likely be unpleasant
* their obsession with bath salts
* their blind and unconsidered adoption of and agreement to every last one of your opinions and views
* the fact that they hold a thirty minute conversation with you essentially explaining what they had for lunch that day
* the fact that the conversation above is usually followed by another episode of "who said what" at their place of work, and there is no way to end that conversation without an argument!
* The fact that you stopped caring months back, but like a car you bought and hate, you know you've got to keep driving this one until you find a buyer

edit: Length? Well, it's cold out!
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 13:27, 4 replies)
Text messaging
I never type in text-speak, including in my text messages, even with a word limit. If what I am trying to say takes more than one text then so be it.

Subsequently, I got dumped after a row focused around me not putting X's on the end of my texts; it just seems like a waste of time to me. I spoke to a female friend and she felt I was in the wrong too: 'don't you realise how much a girl will over-analyse a text if there is no x?'

I still don't really understand, but I have learned my lesson.

(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 13:06, 15 replies)
'Twas all in the "mental ginger" thread
"Like hell that's 6 inches, much closer to 7"

Sadly she didn't send that message to me...

Repost, lengthy mid-life-crisis-inspired whining in responses to

(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 13:06, Reply)
"A Vagabond ... last night I slept with my old French teacher.
"She's 47, and I'm really into her."
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 12:52, Reply)
In my Youth…
I stole my sisters boyfriend. It was all whirlwind, heat and flash. Within a week we killed my parents and hit the road.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 12:43, 1 reply)
When it began, it was like a fairytale romance. We only had a short time together where we could really be ourselves, but it was magical. We'd hold hands, look into each other's eyes, she even told me she wanted to marry me.

Then she told me she'd held hands with 3 other boys in the playground that morning. So I dumped her and went on the slide instead.

(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 12:39, 6 replies)
I am Jacks large intestines...

(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 12:05, 2 replies)
French girl blues...
I remember it being really hot in the mornings when she first moved in.
She had just lost her job as a waitress and had nowhere else to go and I remembered thinking how fantastic she looked in her waitress outfit.
I had only been seeing her for a week but something about her just drew me in.
I was working in France at the time and had a job on a holiday camp doing odd jobs as it was out of season.
Things were amazing sexually with her and she was the most beautiful dark haired French girl and I fell deeply and passionately in love with her, which I think in retrospect made me blind to all the craziness that happened. She would walk round naked a lot and i could not keep my hands off of her beautiful behind.
The boss I had was a real idiot and I had stupidly agreed to paint all the chalets without thinking it through. It was at this time I discovered how volatile she could be and she went mental with me and we had a massive fight and she found some notebooks where I had been writing a novel which she read and decided there and then it had to be published. She also went a bit mental and painted the boss’s car pink and burnt our chalet down, we left in a hurry
And moved to Paris where she had this manic episode typing up all my handwritten notes, (it was back I the 80’s before word processing) all the while we lived a happy bohemian lifestyle for a time there.
We hawked it round publishers but her reaction to rejection was way out of proportion and I started to see how unstable she actually was but by this time I was so hooked by her I couldn’t leave.
We had to get way and went to the south of France and things seemed to be held in check and we were two people passionately in love.
I started to believe we had a future together and then one day she found out she was pregnant instead of unbridled joy this sent her on a dark spiral of destruction and depression.
Finally she was sectioned and seeing her there in the depths of madness, I couldn’t stand to see her like this, this truly beautiful free spirit and I, well, I ended the relationship with a pillow.

Apologies for the length, 185minutes with the director’s cut…
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 11:38, 4 replies)
whirlwind romance
She told me she was in love with me after two weeks. She kept telling me that she wanted us to run away in her car and just get married - I thought jokingly at first but it became obvious that she meant it. One night after we'd been together about two months she asked me in all seriousness to marry her. We argued all the time because she was a manipulative, crazy, paranoid bitch. In a fight once she was worried about the possibility of losing me so dropped the bombshell that she was going to ask me to marry her this Christmas - by which time we'd've been together six months.

She called it a whirlwind romance. For her maybe, it was a four month long shitstorm for me.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 11:15, 2 replies)
The bitch ran off with my spellbook!
The magic was gone.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 11:04, 3 replies)
Very brief relationship
in the early part of 2010. I think what convinced me that the (admittedly sparse) magic had gone was when she joined the BNP to 'help out with their election campaign'.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 10:59, Reply)
The break up orgasm
At 18 years old, I had moved out of home and had my first boyfriend. Three months in and I thought things were going fine. One summery, late afternoon we are having (what I thought was) a great shag.

Chris Brown - stroke in - "Um, I really enjoy this with you"
Me - stroke out - "Yeah, baby, loving it"
Chris Brown - stroke in - "I need to tell you something"
Me - stroke out - "AAAAH, bout to 'splode"
Chris Brown - stroke in, stroke out, stroke in - "I am definitely in love with my ex and can't do this anymore"
Me - with ankles around the neck and wrinkly eyebrows clashing badly with an O face - "???".

Chris Brown, the music died that day.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 10:58, 14 replies)
I can name the exact time when the magic left.
Episode 1: The Phantom Menace

My inner child died a little that day
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 10:58, 7 replies)
How many of you here,
are reading some of these stories thinking;
"Oh shit, I hope that's not me!"

I'll be the first to admit I could easily be one of the bastards that crops up in this QOTW, having been a bit of a cunt in my time. Thankfully I saw the light and am now a happy bunny with no intentions of hurting anybody. But equally I've had more shit thrown at me than I've dished out in that respect, Karma's a funny old thing, it all seems to work out in the end.
Just to put this ramble in a vague context, I dumped a girl on Valentine's day.
She asked me if I loved her, I was honest.
I dumped another on millennium eve, again, I had to be honest and tell her our "Friends with Benefits" relationship was over as I had a girlfriend with whom the plan was to be monogamous. (Being honest is perhaps one of my faults when dealing with relationships.)

I don't seek any forgiveness here, (Like you'd give me any anyhow!) but if one of these stories does turn out to be about me, I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest. I guess we've all had our moments being the nasty person in the relationship, (perhaps a sweeping statement reading some of the stories of heartfelt love-wrangling so far.)

Love is a great thing, don't take it lightly, those emotions you may be toying with run deep and are quite capable of really hurting people. (But you already knew that, didn't you?)

Oh yes, one final thing, don't sleep with twins- at least not without their express written permission.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 10:22, Reply)
Very short relationship
I knew she was religious, so I did sort of expect a conversation at some point. Anyway, second date:

"I really like you, but my faith is important to me and I don't believe in sex before marriage"
"Er... right"
"We can do other things"
"OK. Like what exactly?"
"Well... you know... we can kiss"
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 10:21, 5 replies)
Longy, or The Tale of A Twat
Like anyone, I've had some crappy relationships in the past. Nothing too horrendous though, and I'd still stop to pass the time of day with all of them.
I'd like to talk about a crappy relationship I'm still in. This is about one of my friends, who I'll call Longy.

Longy is, to put it mildly, an unmitigated cunt. A wraithlike beanpole of chaos with bony paedo fingers and the sensibilities of a raped kazoo. He is a one-man maelstrom of shamelessness. A half-titanium cyborg bellend, due to the unbelievable amount of terrible injuries people have inflicted on him – his left leg, left arm, collar bone and half his head are covered in metal plates. He is a selfish, cowardly, attention-seeking nightmare, obsessed with the pantomime of aggression. He starts fights yet is too scared to throw a punch. He throws drinks in strangers' faces. All the trimmings of violence, with none of the actual violence. The drunken twiggy bastard has ruined two of my birthday parties by upending tables and scratching at faces like a fucked rooster. Then, naturally, he brims tearfully with indignation and a sense of injustice when he is quite deservedly knocked the fuck out. I have seen a 60-year-old hippy in a top hat driven to violence by Longy's perpetual screeching. If Longy were a Jew, you'd forgive the Nazis.

He is a drug-addled, nonce-like career victim. When 34, he was dumped by our friend's 16-year-old daughter for being, I quote, "too immature". His house is a squalid robots' graveyard, littered with the smashed corpses of gadgets, carpeted with cannabis, powders and fluids, a doss house for rock and rollers who still live with their parents. He is a jobless chancer, respecting no-one, pathetically apologising his way out of trouble five times a day if he isn't able to run fast enough. He learns nothing, and blames everyone else. And I have it on good authority that he once said "Meh" at the moment of orgasm.

I don't see Longy that much nowadays, what with me having a child. Largely he accepts that. But occasionally he comes calling, and when he does he makes me laugh my arse off for 20 minutes, then sigh wistfully for the rest of the day. A more sinewy, hilarious, mind-crushingly irritating wanker I will never meet.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 10:15, 2 replies)
I sure can pick them
Before K*ren www.b3ta.com/questions/relationships/post926132 there was another girl i went out with.

Another slightly long one, so posted it in replies if anyone gives a monkeys....
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 10:07, 4 replies)
One day I left my phone at home by mistake and went to uni.
One day I left my phone at home by mistake and went to uni.

Text 1 - Hey Phil how are you blah blah blah
Text 2 - Are you OK?
Text 3 - Phil have I done something to upset you
Text 4 - Why are you ignoring me
Text 5 - At least tell me what i've done.

I get home and reply "Sorry forgot my phone today"

Text 7 - Oh Ok, How are you blah blah blah
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 9:32, 6 replies)
Thankfully it was many years ago.
She came from Bransholme.
That is all.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 9:30, 6 replies)
When the magic was gone.
It wasn’t when I found out that, contrary to his eating habits outside of the bedroom, he was a vegetarian in bed, and preferred that I be so as well.

It wasn’t when he was not able to participate in a “heat of the moment” because he had, as he said, been so excited to think of our evening together that he had skipped to the “heat” moment hours before my arrival and could no longer work up any enthusiasm for the real me.

It wasn’t when he called me Mary in the heat of the moment. Which is surprising for Mary is not my name, but the name of Mary (as in “Mary, mother of God”), his ex of some four years before.

No, it was when he called me, in the heat of the moment, “Mom!”

That. That was when the magic was gone.

I lie to you. It was never magic, but that drove the point home to my troubled young mind, and I looked for, and found a better man.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 9:10, 4 replies)
Being emotionally dependant on a total nutter does not make good times!
Emotional entanglement, Love, addiction, lust and a host of other strange human emotions can lead us to stick out a relationship in which the outside world would just laugh at. In fact in a lot of cases, the strong emotional bond you have with your partner can literally leave you locked in to a relationship with the key thrown away.
This has happened to me, I tried to leave her. But when I did, I felt physically ill. It did not take much effort on her part to then win me back over and then continue screwing me over some more.
Looking back on it all now, I think what the hell was I doing? At least now, I know never to get myself so emotionally attached to anyone ever again (I've never truley loved another girl since like this and doubt I will). At least Im a strong person for it.

In a rough chronological order, this is merely the highlights of some of the things that happened in that 5 years with an absolute nutter who i was crazy about.

She informs me she was abused in the past, and her bubbly self is just a cover for a lot of hurt.
She suddenly develops Multiple Personality Syndrome and plays on it a lot, blaming an alternate personality for when she was a bitch to me.
Reveals that shes actually still getting abused, by a family member.
Proves that shes still getting abused by turning up with cuts and bruises all over her.
Tells me she has had a kid with this family member.
Tells me this family member will harm her kid if she doesnt do what he says.
Tells me said family member is financially supporting her parents. (Who were out of work)
In a bid to stop her mutilating herself, she then attacks me with a razor blade (i still have the scars today)
Im at a loss, I talk to my parents. They ban her from our house and tell me to get away from her.
Friends tell me to get away from her.
She convinces me that my family and friends are evil because they hurt her even more than her abusers did.
Doesnt take long to work out that this abusive family member doesnt exist and she doesnt have a kid. Except instead of being pissed off with her, I was just relieved.
Ended up having a big bust up with my father. I move out and in with her.
Ended up having a big bust up with friends, they piss off to university and never come back.
Spend my 18th birthday alone, and to add insult to injury she does me a "party" except there is no one to even invite nevermind turn up.
She has me exactly where she wanted me. I no longer had anyone in my life but her.
She decides we're in an open relationship as we're still young and we can shag other people if we want. She invites a distant friend of mine over and proceeds to attempt to shag him upstairs in the name of an "open relationship"
Going for a lunchtime pint on friday afternoons with work collegues becomes a major issue.
Issue resolved by her joining us one time so she knew who i was socialising with. She gets off the bus and sucker punches me right infront of them.
We start afresh by moving into our own apartment out of her parents and away from where all the bad happened.
She continues to be unable to work and emotionally incapable of even signing on the dole.
We're living in a flat with no furniture, no fridge freezer and no cooker and £10 a week spare money after basic bills.
I get a bank loan and a credit card to even continue to support us.
She makes friends with a girl in London and becomes obsessed with her.
She decides she's bisexual.
We go to London and I have to amuse myself for 4 hours whilst she has intimate relations with this other girl.
London Girl dumps her eventually causing big upset.
Im her rock because I stand by her. She'd be dead if it wasnt for me (her words)
She becomes nocturnal doing nothing but talking to girls on lesbian sites and also creaming more attention off Abuse support sites.
I wake up one morning to find her gone with a suicide note. I find her hanging out near the train tracks.
She has a huge mental breakdown kicking and screaming in the living room. I have to phone an ambulance.
She gets to hospital, refuses any drugs and medication or to talk to anyone. So they just discharge her.
She becomes obsessed with a girl from America.
American girl flies over and spends 6 months living with us. We had a 1 bedroomed flat. Id get up and go to work, then theyd go to bed. Im now supporting both of them on a low paid job.
I get home from work and theres not a single plate clean to make my own food. I enquire about this and get hurled abuse that she isnt my slave. Further arguments lead to her throwing knives at me ( a common occurance)
She flips out, I have to barracade myself in the bedroom as she attempts to smash the doors open.
Arguments like this become frequent
One time I get in from a days work and she comes at me with a knife. I push her away, she falls over the back of the sofa and cracks her head on the coffee table.
American girl stands in and starts threatening me.
I phone my mum whom I havnt seen for over 2 years and she comes to pick me up.
I stay at my parents for a week feeling physically ill that Im away. (despite it being my flat anyway!)
She convinces me we need a bigger flat and a holiday to america.
Having been unable to even leave the house to buy a loaf of bread from the shop. At my expense she flies herself to America.
We get a bigger flat, and I goto america for 2 weeks, she stays on for 3 months (maximum allowed under visa).
She comes back for a while, things continue not to work out even in bigger place. She goes back to america.
She now tries to see about living in america, but after 9/11 thats very difficult plus they dont recognise same sex couples. So shes stuffed.
She convinces me that we should marry, and me to get a job out there then she can go as my spouse.
Seems its impossible for someone skilled to even get sponsorship for a visa to move out there. So that didnt happen.
American girl comes back for another 6 months. Then she goes off to america again for another 3 months.
At this point its obvious its all done. I move her stuff out back to her parents house (at my expense)
She comes back with american girl, except american girl is refused entry to the UK.
She is devastated, cant cope living back with parents and soon weans her way back to my place.
Next up, its another girl this time shes in the UK but about 150 miles away.
She kept borrowing my car to drive over there to see her putting 1000s of miles on my car.
Eventually this one works out and in 2004 after 5 years of what now seems like sheer hell she fucks off.
She is then miraculously cured of her emotional problems and gets a full time job.
Her and new girlfriend buy a house
They go on holiday abroad 3 times a year
I am £20,000 in debt, move back home with parents to make amends and try and pay debts and have no friends.
She thanks her girlfriend for everything this girl has done for her for curing her and making her better.
I struggle to emotionally bond with any other girl, leading to a number of dead end relatioships.
American girl decides shes no longer lesbian and gets a boyfriend. Seems she put the american one through a hell of a load of emotional turmoil as well.
She no longer wants anything to do with me as I remind her of a bad past.

If youre still reading, congratulations :) That was 5 years in a nutshell. How / Why the fuck did I stick that out? It took a long time to get over, a long time to recover, a long time to sort money out and a long time to regain some new friends. That part of my life could be made into a trilogy, only just a short amount of it is listed above.

The whole thing did leave me rather damaged. It wasnt just about what she did, as listed above. Its how she did it. Now Im so clear of it, reading back on it and understanding from a distant view of how she emotionally twisted stuff, and how she used the fact that I relentlessly cared about her so much, and that any issue I raised with her was turned back to make me look like the bad one
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 9:01, 21 replies)
I do love her so much. But love is blind. And I'm not the only one. Fucking labradors.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 8:00, Reply)
It wasn't a crappy relationship...
...until the night she told me that she had feelings for one of my best mates and that she lost the passion for me. Thereafter, it was decidedly crappy.

If I ever see him again, I'll break his face.

I miss her every single day.

(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 6:54, 12 replies)
I can pin the moment the magic was finally gone
Preparing for the summer weather, with bikinis and what not, my ex was waxing her nethers. She wasn't quite able to get the angle right for the more extreme aspects of her clefts so with a harumph, she tossed me a wax strip, spread her cheeks and said "could you do this bit for me; I can't reach".

Being comfortable is one thing, but I fear that was too much.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 5:43, 2 replies)
I know someone who'd have lots of stories this week.
Sadly I haven't seen her since we broke up.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 3:22, Reply)
I dated a vegan
And I loved her, I truly did and I completely respected her beliefs. I understood why she was vegan, the ethical ramifications, the shit she would get casually from strangers when she had to reveal her dietary choice-people would be cruel and flippant and actively taunt her, even though she did not force her beliefs on anyone and simply explained why she believed what she did.

She inflicted these beliefs on no one except me. I could not eat meat around her. I could not talk about eating meat around her. I could not have my own choice in what I ate. I was, as her partner, an extension of her choice.

Then came the day when I lent my mate money for a kebab and she punched me. That's when I knew it was over.

And my first girlfriend was just all the arseholes in the world rolled into one gaping, all encompassing whole. There aren't words. Truly. But that was a decade ago so fuck her, water under the bridge right?

(Sort of. I still secretly hope she's addicted to crack in a council house.)
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 2:41, 12 replies)

This question is now closed.

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