I used to be a courier. I've got a few.
I knew a few guys who had a nail (minus the head) in the outside sole of their shoe. If cars did silly things they would get 'spooked' and 'accidentally' kick the car. The nail made sure it was expensive.

A quick kick while swerving from a suddenly opened car door usually does enough damage to the inside/outside finish to ensure that they remember not to do that again.

Guy at my company was very good at martial arts and knew how to throw himself. When a car cut him up he'd throw himself over the bonnet in a spectacular 'crash'.

A kind elderly gentleman once kicked in my rear wheel as he took offense to me cycling on the pavement (for about 10m) to make a delivery. Luckily he was old and didn't manage to do much damage.

A nice man who knocked me of his car came round to angrily ask me if I had touched his car or done damage. Twunt hit ME! Not the other way around.

Twunt who clipped me with his wing mirror told me I should be cycling on the edge of the road. Fair enough but it was January in Sweden and there was about 30cm of snow and ice there.

Stoped a lady who immediately released a torrent of abuse about how I shouldn't talk or judge her as we couriers cycle like a bunch of maniacs. I had only stopped her to let her know that the power lead to her engine heater was hanging out from under her bonnet and dragging along the road behind her.

Twats who think that you crash your bike for the hell of it and shout at you to move while you're concussed/confused/bleeding in the middle of the road (The disembodied voice talking to me wasn't God. It was my boss on the ComRadio).

Drag racing sports cars (a desent cyclist can out accelerate almost anything except motorcycles in city traffic) and then having the cunts overtake with literally a couple of inches of clearance.

Overtaking said cars and then cycling slowly in the middle of the road to block them.

Never try to steal a couriers bike. Especially not if you're in a small-ish city (Gothenburg, Sweden). They have radios. Withing 5 min EVERY courier in the city will know. Withing half an hour the guy had been spotted and had 3 couriers chasing him. Police were actually useful for once.

Using a pressure horn as a bicycle bell. Never seen stupid pedestrians move so fast.

Stupid pedestrians. All of them everywhere.

Words can not describe my fury at people who walk out into the road without looking. Oxford Street is a prime example and has to be avoided 5 months before and at least 2 months after Christmas. What's more is they have the nerve to be angry at me when the screech of tires scares them. GO FUCK YOURSELVES!

There are cyclists out there who are very, VERY good and for them riding aggressively is safer than riding defensively. Don't shout at me when I'm riding in the middle of a lane in central London. I'm doing 30mph and there is no need for you to overtake, beep your horn, flash your lights or shout at me. If you do that, I'll ride slower.

Speaking of London, Mr. Livingston: You're doing a proper bang up job, BUT:
What the hell is going on with the cycle lanes? Sometimes they stop. Abruptly. On the pavement. Am I suddenly allowed to cycle on the sidewalk? Should I cut straight into traffic? What?
Wandsworth bridge and 9 elms lane (to name a few) have a nice cycle path. WITH FUCKING LAMP POSTS IN THEM! I realize that it may be necessary, but is it then clever to paint them in mat-black rough paint? Nothing reflective at all? Seriously, fucking think!

Cycle lanes that perfectly follow parked cars, sandwiching you between the parked cars and the traffic, just wide enough to be perfectly blocked by an opened car door?
Seriously, fucking think!

Mr. Livingston, I think you're wonderful, but come out cycling some day and I'll show you all the things that are wrong.

I'll add some more as and when I remember.

You did ask. This is years of repent and anger being released.
(Squash, Fri 13 Oct 2006, 11:55, Reply)