Jacob and the Vervonauts
A few weeks ago, the topic was amusement parks, and I mentioned how I've visited several in an abandoned state. Naturally, this often involves road trips, some more legendary than others. This was our most legendary.

My closest and longest-running friend in Korea, Verv, was leaving the US army. I believe he's come up in QOTW stories before, but I don't expect you to remember. He was a linguist, but he'd been demoted to the most demeaning job possible: watching people's dicks while they did urine tests to screen for cheaters. So he was out at the soonest opportunity.

To celebrate this momentous occasion, I organised a road trip out into darkest Gyungbook, the most remote place in South Korea. It's a 5.5-hour bus ride, and I'd been meaning to go, but didn't want to go alone only for it to turn out to be nothing. So, I invited my friends along.

On the morning of, we met up at Dong Seoul Bus Terminal (are you paying attention, whoever's in charge of Funny Name Corner?). We were ten strong after a few cancellations, and we caught our bus.

A bit about our group: most of us were foreigners, and we knew each other through the local punk scene. The Vervonauts hailed from Canada, the US, Australia, England, and only one from Korea. Most of us were white, with one black guy, which was kind of awkward because Verv has a tendency to run his mouth about black people. That was Will, who was mentioned in my previous story. He's a bit hyper, to say the least. And Verv I think I described his political tendencies in a previous QOTW. We're all atheists, but Verv's also a Christian, of that special American brand that worships Republican Jesus and wants to forcefully convert Islamic countries. As an aside, despite the fact that he runs one of the top 100 anti-Muslim blogs in the world, he's now dating an Iranian.

So, the bus. I settled down to do a crossword, as in make, not solve. Verv hit the soju, which is Korea's answer to cheap vodka. He spent the entire 5.5 hours pounding soju and trying to imitate the numerous accents we had and declaring his love for cunnilingus. You know, the usual stereotypical foreigner stuff.

After a little less than five hours we reached the coastal city of Uljin, where the bus began its final leg toward Onjeong, a small resort area in the mountains. After an hour of trundling along winding mountain roads, we saw an abandoned school coming up. "We have to find this and come back," I told everyone. Then, the bus pulled into a bus terminal right next door.

It was 2:30pm on Saturday, and everyone wanted to eat before we set off for our desination. We went out to look for a motel to spend the night, eventually settling on the Hilton Motel (no relation). Just as we were going inside, I saw two Korean guys dressed up in fursuits, one a chipmunk and the other I can't remember.

For lunch, I ordered something quick, but everyone was taking too much time. Will said something that insulted Verv's army sensibilities, and Verv started berating him. I left and went to get a look at the abandoned school. Pictured here:
a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2614/24/19/539910321/n539910321_6361153_534383.jpg
If you want to see more of what it looked like, watch this Youtube Video:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQo9jviMis0

Finally we grouped, and Verv did not end up murdering Will. We found the road for the amusement park, and began walking. It was supposed to be either a quick busride on a bus that comes every few hours, or a 30-minute walk. Halfway there, we came across another abandoned building, which seemed to be some kind of temple, except they had boxes and boxes of far-right-wing literature, showing some of Korea's less merciful dictators schmoozing with the likes of Queen Elizabeth and George Bush Sr. Here's Verv with a bottle of soju and a scythe he found:
a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2614/24/19/539910321/n539910321_6361152_847432.jpg

We got through that, and I began walking faster, hoping to reach the purported location of the abandoned amusement park. Soon I passed a sign announcing it was one more kilometer. Finally I rounded a bend, and there it was: Baekamsan (100 Rocky Peaks is the closest translation) Land. I could see all the rides down in the valley below me, behind an old, scary looking abandoned motel complex. This is what I saw:
www.flickr.com/photos/racetraitor/3380444629/

I headed down and went in the front entrance. Immediately, I saw a young boy appear up the path, who paused to watch me. This...doesn't feel like a horror movie, I tried to convince myself.

There were more Koreans up by the rides, and I figured I came this far, so I shouldn't just turn back now. I headed up into the abandoned amusement park and made my presence known. Turns out they were Evangelical Christians who had recently bought the park, and they were planning on replacing it with a religious school or camp or something. One of them was a KATUSA, which is a Korean who served out his mandatory military sentence as a liaison of sorts with the US military, so he spoke English. He said we could look around at the rides.

At this point, I was the first one, and I realised that behind me was a group of eight perfectly responsible atheists, with just one Christian who was characteristically out of control. I figured I had only minutes left before they all showed up and we were all kicked out. I underestimated the tolerance of Korean countryside Christians.

Anyway, my friends arrived in waves. Here are two of the children cowering at the sight of their first black guy.
a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2614/24/19/539910321/n539910321_6361148_78199.jpg

Verv finally showed up, and I led him to the viking ship to stage the main photo I'd had in mind the whole time, setting up the whole "Jacob and the Vervonauts" motif.
www.flickr.com/photos/racetraitor/3381264490/

He began humping it, which was enough force to get the thing swinging, as seen in this Youtube video:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVUAh_x2vZA
This bothered the Evangelicals, so we moved him along, noting the irony that the only person in our group insulting this group of Christians was the only Christian in our group.

Next, it was time to get aboard the Skinhead Train.
www.flickr.com/photos/racetraitor/3380445235/

So far, the Evangelicals were tolerating us quite well. We headed uphill a bit more, out of their view, where we found this rope bridge:
a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2614/24/19/539910321/n539910321_6361147_3240044.jpg
I won't force you to watch this Youtube video (don't worry, no music this time), but to make a long story short, I barely crossed over, then Verv fell halfway across.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gfZOK4eM_U
"I'm dirty as fuck! And my arms hurt!" Even other Americans tease him about his pronunciation.

After we were finished looking around, the Evangelicals offered to drive us back to the resort area, saving us over a half-hour's hike in bug-infested twilight. I locked Verv in an empty monkey cage, but everyone else convinced me to free him.
a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2614/24/19/539910321/n539910321_6361210_6173506.jpg

We got back to the Hilton Motel, and Verv convinced the old woman running it to do his laundry, since he was, as he put it, "dirty as fuck!"

We separated to do our own thing, and I took care of some people who were tiring of Verv's antics. We went to a chicken hof, where Verv appeared in his underwear and did his Street Fighter impression.
a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2614/24/19/539910321/n539910321_6361521_6668688.jpg

Anyway, we had two motel rooms, both with no beds, just blankets so we could sleep on the floor. In one room one of the guys was snoring really heavily, and in the other room I was snoring really heavily, so that night only two of us got a good sleep. Next morning, everyone but the two of us was exhausted, fed up, and eager to get home. Oh, and then there was Will, who was on a sugar high or something.

We had a few stops on the way home, one at the beach, and another in this very interesting cave system where a village of Koreans escaped to during one of their wars with Japan, only for the Japanese to cover the entrance and starve them all to death. The caves had a souvenir shop, and Will found a toy gun that made a really annoying sound when you pulled the trigger. He bought it and spent the rest of the trip running around shooting at people. It really brought out something in his personality. We passed a Korean soldier who had a laugh at getting shot up by this random black guy in the backwaters of Korea. Will even jumped into the front gate of a Korean police station and proceeded to fire at them; meanwhile I noticed how I was standing directly behind him, so if they shot back I'd surely catch a few bullets.

Verv was sitting on a bench next to me looking like death as Will kept shooting off this thing. I thought we were surely in the early stages of Rahowa, when suddenly Verv announced "Will, you're magnificent!" and spent the next few hours back on his feet.

Anyway, we caught the bus back to Seoul, smuggled beers on, and everyone fell asleep except me and my best friend Nik, who stayed awake one seat behind me watching the mountainous countryside roll by.

Apologies for length, and amount of linked content, but there's no short way to tell this story. This was not the final voyage of the Vervonauts, but the rest will wait for another time, as it was not a far enough distance to truly be road-trip-worthy.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 15:59, 5 replies)

Wicked story, cheers :D
(tyrellsOwl, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 16:44, closed)

*click*
Actually I liked the photos and videos (with the sound muted of course), great stuff!
( NotDavidBailey isn't all that sure that he is?, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 19:08, closed)

An atheist Christian?
Dick-staring duty is too good for 'em, if you ask me.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 22:23, closed)

synopsis?

( rofl harris, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 10:44, closed)

Epic
Truly epic.
*Clicks furiously*
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:58, closed)