Nother Pearost - Berwick
Nice town, shame about the residents!
Berwick-upon-Tweed is a very pretty town (if you ignore the sprawling council estates - more of that later) with a history dating back to Roman times. Its position on the border of England and Scotland has made it the site of numerous battles and invasions. The most recent invasion has come from inside, from the housing estates, where Chavs have been spawned. Now the only battle likely to be fought between England and Scotland will be "you have it...no, YOU have it."

I grew up just outside Berwick. How I survived is a question I still ask myself on a regular basis. The old town of Berwick is very pleasant for a weekday visit with bridges, castles and various other architectural things. However, in the late 70s, a number of council estates sprang up around the town, producing generation after generation of fuck ugly, inbred, thick children.

The Berwick Chav is a special breed. Clothed in finest garb from the fashion houses of Allsports and TK Maxx, they walk in herds of 5-6. The Berwick accent is not pleasant either. Imagine a mixture of pissed Geordie and pissed Glaswegian and you are getting pretty close. The scumbags congregate on benches in Marygate(the main street) outside Woolworths, drinking White Lightning from the dodgy off-licences and terrorising the passers by. At night, they can be found trying to gain entry to Bedrocks Nightclub (bring your own flick-knife) where they dance the night away before going outside for a fight, kebab, piss up against a lamp-post and a quick shag in the doorway of Dixons (not necessarily in that order.)

Oh, and we should also mention the seagulls. These winged rats will attack you at the first available opportunity. They appear to be in league with the chavs, as they will only shit on you if you are wearing non-chavwear items.

Go to Berwick by all means, but dont go during the night and for the love of God's ringpiece, do not, under any fucking circumstances, think of actually moving there.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Thu 29 Oct 2009, 13:08, 3 replies)

Wasn't Berwick...
...technically at war with Russia until the 1960s?
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Fri 30 Oct 2009, 17:03, closed)

It was
something to do with a treaty that was signed which omitted the town when peace was declared, I think. Probably on Wikipedia.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 31 Oct 2009, 14:39, closed)

Ah, my home town.
I haven't lived there for twenty years. Couldn't wait to get out. I still go back occasionally as my family still reside there (fuck knows why).

It is a very pretty looking town - the approach by train from the south is, I think, stunning - but the town is, as my erstwhile colleage states, completely spoiled by a high proportion of the natives who wander around with seemingly no ambition to spread their wings and try other towns instead. The insularity of many many of the residents is truly shocking. Imagine a town inhabited by /talkers and you're getting the idea.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 31 Oct 2009, 14:38, closed)