That'll learn me, fucking show-off...
Back in the day, when I was a wee lad of four years of age, I was joyfully playing in the bath. My mother had some of her lady friends round of tea and whatever when one of them spotted me bathing (I washed with the door open in case I, uh... drowned or something). Said lady then called lady companions to come see - I was good looking chap, so I was, and they all swooned at my cuteness.

It was at this point I thought I'd give them a treat. I hopped out the bath in all my four year old glory (it may have resembled an acorn back then, but WHAT an acorn!) and began to tap my foot.

Have you guessed yet? Oh yes, I began to dance. Grooving to the music in my head, I was the shit. Throwing in a dramatic twirl here and there and seductively shaking my backside, I even used a little pot as a prop to cover my manhood during my performance. These women were close to fainting.

And then came the finale... which was a little anti-climatic. I was thinking of spinning round whilst removing the pot and falling into some sort of "jazz hands" position, I hadn't quite decided as I was improvising. However, the actual ending and desired effect of my performance was greatly different to which I intended... I achieved the spin, but in mid-spin it began to go wrong. As everything fell into slow motion and looks of horror swept across the faces of my audience, I fell and slammed my chin on the edge of the bath. The impact caused my chin to split and blood to spray across the bath and myself.

And so there I laid... a bloody naked mess, a little pot rolling out my hand and stopping at the feet of my spectators.

The next thing I remember was arriving through the doors in hospital. My mother quickly took me (which was good) but didn't think to dress me (which was bad). Cue much worried/confused/disturbed glances as a pissed off, naked, blood-covered four year old boy staggered towards the emergency room.

I try to cover my scar with a beard to avoid people asking me "how did you get that then?" Not wanting to tell, my usual response is "Uh... I got stabbed."
(bunny_333, Mon 7 Feb 2005, 9:39, Reply)