Mr "Roper" Reed
Mr Reed was our chemistry teacher; a more intelligent, good natured and dedicated teacher you couldn't hope to meet. His understanding of the subject was second only to his capacity to pass his copious knowledge onto his students.

If only he could ever find students willing to listen to him.

You see, Dr. Reed, nicknamed Roper due to his very, very slight resemblance to Mr. Roper from the 70's American sitcom Three's Company, was every bit the stereotypical bespectacled, Mr. Bean-voiced nerd, and that drew all attention away from his efforts to teach.

The back of his lab coat was decorated with a spattering of blue ink from a past pen flicking incident. The ceilings of his lab would receive regular blasts of water, shot skyward from Bunsen burners hooked up to the wrong taps, while the benches that adorned the rear of the room were scarred by deep black marks where fire had been applied directly to the open gas taps on countless occasions.

He was frequently subject to having a long, drawn out "Rooooooooopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer" blasted in his direction as he wandered the school corridors. This would be done in a voice that combined all the worst elements of the aforementioned Bean, Sloth from The Goonies and the Honey Monster; a voice that was particularly easy for a post-pubescent boy to bellow at the very limits of his lung capacity.

Can you imagine the voice? Try it; it's gravelly, loud and filled with scorn.

Now, imagine a class of about 20 pupils; all sat with mock attention spread across their bored faces. They're all boys of about 15 years old, and if you look closely at the middle row, one boy is whispering to another. You can't hear his words, so I'll tell you them. He's saying:

"Open your mouth really wide for a minute. Go on, it's nothing dodgy, just open your mouth as wide as you can..."

The other boy is looking confused now, but he's in the middle of class, the boy next to him is a good mate and definitely not a bummer or anything, so he obliges and opens his mouth wide enough to consume a football.

Quick as a flash the first child looks downwards and virtually melts into his chair, before unleashing as long and loud a "Rooooooooooooooooooooooooopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer" as his lungs will allow.

The gullible second boy remains faithfully & stupidly still. His mouth stays wide open and his eyes remain fixed on the shocked and rather furious teacher at the front of the class.

It was at least five minutes until the laughter subsided enough for the boy to be ejected from the class, his protests that he was naught but a simple stooge in an otherwise elaborate and unlikely set up, falling on ears still deaf from the assault he seemed so guilty of.
( Moey, Thu 29 Jan 2009, 14:46, 1 reply)

I
fucking love this QOTW
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Thu 29 Jan 2009, 19:21, closed)