Are You Ready To Be Heartbroken?
School was a blast. I mean, you couldn’t get away with fingering 12 year old girls, smoking in toilets, or wanking into girls hand bags in adult life. Back in school it was common practice. In fact, if you did none of the previous, let’s face it, you didn’t even go to school.

I had some great times. Putting Estelle's hair though the guillotine, getting suspended for telling the Geography teacher I had a wet dream about her and learning to recite expletives to my darling mother in German without her knowing were just a few highlights. Adolescent absurdities aside I did manage to learn a few things while I was there. Most notable being the fact that adult life and the crushing responsibilities it brings is rubbish.

Interest rates, mortgage deals, inflation, economic crisis blah blah blah. How fucking tedious and incredibly boring. If I was at school, I would be more concerned about where I was going to steal my next Parker pen from or the next teachers life I was going to make a living misery.

All these childish and cringe worthy exploits behind me, I learned that school shapes you. I had my first fight, sexual experience and teenage crush during my school years. Arrrgh, that first teenage crush. You will never forget it. Mine was a chubby girl, she was lovely, the kind of girl that in later life would bring up three honest kids with you, bake you cakes and make you feel complete. She smelt like summer days, spoke softly and warm, and always had an air of honesty about her. She always had a boyfriend though, but we would always meet on the way home from school and chat, have a laugh and just enjoy each others company.

At that particular time, my sister was studying at university. Whenever she was back for the weekend she would endlessly play Lloyd Cole and the Commotions, and as a result I became to love this band as much as she did. The song ‘Perfect Skin’ in particular used to remind me of this teenage crush. Whenever it played, I felt warm, happy, and at ease with the crush I had on her. I was somehow safe in the knowledge that one day she would be mine.

School ended, I left the town I lived in for a short while, and ‘Perfect Skin’ became that record that you would always dedicate to your first crush and forget about it.

I turned 25 4 months ago, and being a music fan, geek, insomniac and sad twat, I thought it would be interesting to compile a list of my 100 favorite songs of all time, write about every single one of them, describing what they mean to me, and why they feel special, stuff them into a box, forget about it, and open it in 25 years time and listen to the discs and read the write ups for a giggle.

I wish I hadn’t. Just before Christmas, said girl added me on Facebook. A few harmless messages later, me, a couple of my friends and her best mate from school met up for a reunion drink. I hadn’t seen this angel for nearly nine years. All I can say is wow. She was even more attractive, charming, beautiful and perfect than I remembered her to be. The night was great, she had just suffered a break up and everything I said to her made her giggle in the same way that it did all those years ago.

Like all good things, the night came to an end, and just as I felt after every time I walked her home from school, I felt optimistic and good, and safe in the knowledge that there were good people in this world.

Anyway, I couldn’t get her out of my head, I had to get a message to her. I had to tell her what I though about her and her amazing smile. So I e-mailed her something that I thought would clinch it for me, instead I came across as a middle aged stalker.

Here’s what I wrote...

I forgot to tell you I struggle with sleep, hence me still being awake, I told you I like to write, so I thought I would send you something to make you appreciate how good it was to see you. As I like music, and writing, I thought a nice thing to do would be to compile a cd and some words to mark my quarter stay on this troubled planet. Something I could compile and write, look back on in many years, laugh, cringe or hold my hands in triumph to. I have hand picked 100 gems, and wrote about them all, everyone with a meaning. Word for word this is one I wrote that involves you, I hope you like it.

Lloyd Cole & The Commotions - Perfect Skin

My sister used to play this when she was back from University. I would have been about thirteen, and I have adored this song ever since. Lloyd Cole is an extremely talented songwriter and this song will always remind me of a girl I used to fancy at school. She simply had perfect skin and this song represents a teenage crush perfectly.

Sooo..........what do you reckon? bit soppy, but not a fucking bad attempt was it? Anyway, she is back with some Walsall bot now who probably wears tight jeans, drinks Mojitos and probably believes a good time involves shopping in Topman.

I’m not bitter, but I did decide to change Lloyd Cole’s entry in the top 100 to ‘Are You Ready To Be Heartbroken’
(Sir_Digby_Chicken_Caeser [email protected], Fri 30 Jan 2009, 0:28, 1 reply)

Lloyd Cole
still owes me a weekend.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 3:28, closed)